[none]

[Nelson.Beth]

In light of the current discussion, I thought this bit of levity was
appropriate.
Christianna



<><><><>

Hi there.
	This was posted to the SCA-Dance list, and I just thought it was
very funny.  You could apply the same logic to just about any
oft-repeated
SCA authenticity vs. common practice discussion.

Enjoy,
Isabel

- ---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Wed, 21 Apr 1999 11:36:31 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Charles J. Cohen" <charles at eecs.umich.edu>
To: sca-dance at andrew.cmu.edu
Subject: A solution to fun vs period


Sometime in the future, the Enterprise is exploring an area of space
near the Playford Nebula.

Sulu:  Captain, sensors are picking up something strange, coming at us
at warp speed.

Kirk:  Mr. Spock?

Spock:  Scanning Captain.

Kirk:  Sulu, how long until impact.

Sulu:  Less than five minutes, Sir.

Chekov:  Deflector shields up, Keptain.  Object within wisual range
...how odd.

Spock:  Captain, I believe what we are seeing is a Usenet mailing
list, one specifically geared towards dance in the middle ages.

Kirk:  Towards dance?  What would such a group be used for.

Spock:  Unknown Captain.  

Kirk:  Uhura, can you open a channel and get some information.  

Uhura:  Aye aye, Sir.

Sulu:  Three minutes to impact.

Uhura:  Sir, there are many messages being sent, some of them becoming
very volatile.  They are discussing ... this is confusing, they are
discussing which is more important, only doing period dances, or
allowing non-period yet equally fun dances.  It is very confusing.

Spock:  Ah yes, such arguments appear on this mailing list every six
months or so, with no productive results.

Kirk:  Send a universal greeting, Lieutenant.

Uhura:  Message was received, but unacknowledged.  I believe it got
lost in the noise.  They keep repeating the same points over and over.

[The ship shudders, and the Bridge crew lurches left and right.]

Chekov:  Keptain!  The mailing list has focused some sort of tractor
beam on us.  We are being sucked into the discussion!

Kirk:  Red Alert.  Shields up.  Evasive action, Mr. Sulu.  Try to get
them to talk about proper floors to dance on.

McCoy [entering the bridge]: What the blazes is going on, Jim!  I have
people leaving the rec room and taking their musical instruments with
them, refusing to play!

Chekov:  Shield up Keptain.

Kirk:  Not now, Bones, we have a situation.

Uhura:  Sir, they are ignoring the dance floor and are getting more 
hostile.

Sulu:  Evasive actions ineffective, Captain.  Impact imminent!

Spock:  Attempting to jam them filk music.

Kirk:  Brace yourselves, here it comes!!

[The ship rocks hard.  Sulu and Chekov fly out of their chairs.  Kirk
spins around in his.  Uhura rakes her hands across her panel but stays
seated.  McCoy hits the floor, and Spock helps him up.]

Scotty [over intercom]:  Engineering to Captain Kirk. What is going on
up their!  The matter and antimatter are becoming unbalanced, and
I've been told that I can no longer dance my native Scottish pieces!

Kirk:  Hang in there Scotty.  Analysis, Mr. Spock.

Spock: Shield were ineffective and we are at zero velocity.  Also, it
is quite obvious that Mr. Scott should not be dancing Road to the Isles
or any other 19th century piece in a middle ages recreation group.
That is not what the group is there for.

McCoy:  Not what they are there for?? Why you inhuman, pointed-eared
hobgoblin, the group is there to have fun, and dancing such out of
period pieces *is* fun.  What is wrong with that!

Spock: Doctor, please, once again you are letting your emotions
interfere with a logical evaluation of the situation.  The group is
created to recreate the middle ages.  There are other groups in the
universe where such non-period dances can be learned and danced.

McCoy:  But not everybody can do that, Mr. Spock!  And besides, not
everything has to do with logic.  Many people in this group enjoy
these dances, and they see it as part of their current middles ages
atmosphere.  They don't have time or the ability to join these other
groups, and they and their friends want to dance these dances.  What
is wrong with that?

Spock:  Nothing, Doctor, but they do not have to it at my event.

McCoy:  You unemotional, computer brained...

Kirk:  Gentleman!! Get...a hold....of...yourselves! Can't you see what
is happening!  The mailing list is drawing us in, making us argue over
this side issue, instead of doing what is important - research period
dances, finding period music [music swells here], and teaching such
period dances to all who wish to learn.  We must....find a ...defense.

Chekov:  We could teach them Amoroso...it was inwneted in Russia.

Uhura:  Searching the archives for original copies of Arbeau.

Sulu:  Don't look at me, no one does Japanese dance in the SCA.

McCoy:  I'm a Doctor, not a dance master!

Spock:  Perhaps I could teach the group some calming Vulcan meditation
techniques.

Kirk:  There is no time...wait, we have one chance. Uhura, open a
channel.

Uhura: Hailing frequencies open, Captain.

Kirk: Back me up everyone.  [Sort of singing, but really talking.]
Picture yourself...in a boat...on a ... river ... with ... TANgerine
dreams, and ... MAAARmalaide skies...

Spock:  The mailing list has halted its assault, and the message count
has decreased.  It seams to be working.

Kirk:  Somebody caalls you, yooooooou answer quite....slowly.

Spock: People are unsubscribing from the mailing list.

Kirk:  The GIRL ... with ka...li...de...scope eyes.  Cellophane
flowers...of yellow...and green....towering OVER your Heeeeaaaaad!
Look for the girl...with sun...in her eyes????? And she's gone (gone
(gone (gone)))!!!!!

The Bridge Crew singing backup: Lucy in the Sky, with Diamonds...Lucy
in the Sky, with Diamonds...Lucy in the Sky, with
Diamonds....ahhhhhhhhhh!

Spock:  Everyone has unsubscribed. The mailing list is dead.  There is
no traffic.  You may stop your attack, Captain.

McCoy:  For the love of humanity Jim, please stop singing.

[Kirk leans back in his chair, drained.]

Kirk:  To be honest, I kind of enjoyed that.  Maybe I'll make a record
or something.

[Sulu and Chekov roll their eyes.]

McCoy:  The world just isn't ready for that, Jim.

Kirk:  No, probably not.  Mr. Sulu, ahead warp factor 2.




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