SC - Really OT-psychotic kitties
Brenna
sunnie at exis.net
Tue Feb 9 17:04:55 PST 1999
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I just got this, and in light of recent exchanges on here, I thought you
might find it amusing as well.
Brenna
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Date: Tue, 09 Feb 1999 20:52:19 -0500
From: Katherine Tyler <krtyler at gisco.net>
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Subject: [MilitaryMommies] too funny!
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From: Katherine Tyler <krtyler at gisco.net>
I thought this was really funny!!!
Kathy
< Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how
>legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On
>one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth
>was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had
>sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
>next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on
>my crown.
>
>In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men
>feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded
>to my wife's wishes
>to adopt a cute little kitty.
>
>As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after
>breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
>"Ed!" she hearkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."
>
>"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
>(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"
>
>"I am scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
>in?" Pause. "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
>
>No logical assurance about how a disposal can't start itself will
calm
>the fears of a person who suffers from "Big-ol-scary-machinephobia,"
a
>condition brought on by watching too many Stephen King movies.
>
>It is futile to argue or explain, kind of like Lloyd Bentsen telling
>Americans they are over-taxed. And if a poltergeist did, in fact,
>possess the disposal, and she was ground into round, I'd have to live
>with that the rest of my life.
>
>So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a
statement
>about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence but it
was
>I who would suffer.
>
>I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.
>It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without
>warning, without respect
>to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal, drawing me
into
>its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at
>the dangling objects she spied between my legs.
>
>She ("Buttons" aka "the Grater") had been poised around the corner
and
>stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the
second
>I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered
and
>snagged them with her needle-like claws.
>
>Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their
>masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly
>bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to
>contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.
>Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin
>supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a
>step-by-step procedure. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a
>"fight or flight" syndrome; men, in this predicament, choose only the
>"flight" option.
>
>Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is
>alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great
heights
>to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly
>impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.
>
>When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
>fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to
>conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. My
>wife told me I should be flattered.
>
>At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I
>kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the
matter,
>cat got your tongue?"
>
>If they had only known. >>
>>
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