Funeral Feasts - was Re: SC - Marion Zimmer Bradley: MourningSong (FWD)

[Philip & Susan Troy]

MsGreyPaws at aol.com wrote:
> 
> But, when the funeral feast/banquet/memorial is over and everyone leaves, the
> last thing the principal mourner or householder wants is a lot of leftovers.
> Trust me, they will never be eaten.  There will also be a lot of work to
> decide what goes in the freezer, refrigerator, and how it should be labeled.
> It's the last thing a stressed-out grieving person needs.
> 
> Truly thoughtful people take all that stuff with them and come back later
> with a separate dish just for those in the household that are left, be it
> breakfast or a late night supper.  Or even better, several friends coordinate
> and provide meals for several days (not forgetting the cat and dog).
> 
> Thus, I don't find it "tacky" to take away the leftover food.  It's just one
> of those obscure and unusual blessings.

All right. Certainly the explanation you provide works, provided that
people do come back later. What I was after was an explanation, not a
blanket condemnation of such behavior. Do you think there's some sort of
kharmic connection to eating the "funeral feast" afterward? Perhaps this
is why such meals among the Chinese tend to be at a restaurant. (Let the
pros have the stink of death in _their_ kitchens, or some such, as
they're getting paid for it, I dunno. It may be a purely practical
consideration, though, or a convenient mixture of motives.)

I think, though, that some of the people I saw taking leftovers home
(and doing things like making a bit of a fuss when they couldn't find
the lid to their Tupperware container) did not come back later with
fresh food in smaller quantities, and perhaps didn't understand the
entirety of the tradition they were upholding in part only. That being
the case, I still think it was tacky behavior, as it demonstrated both
qualified, conditional hospitality, and did not really serve the purpose
of the tradition, which was to render such considerations unnecessary
for the bereaved who had to stop and look for the blinkin' Tupperware.
 
If I were the bereaved nominal host of such a gathering, I'd be glad of
help from someone to take care of wrapping leftovers, but I don't think
I'd necessarily say to myself, "That's the macaroni and cheese, or the
green bean casserole, from Aunt Mildred's funeral! I can't eat that!"
Maybe it's just that the funerals I've been involved with have been at
the end of long and painful illnesses: the funerals tended to have just
a touch of the party atmosphere about them because the actual death was
the least of the traumas connected with the person's passing.

Adamantius
- -- 
Phil & Susan Troy

troy at asan.com
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