SC - The Y1K Crisis (HUMOR)

Fri Sep 17 11:21:39 PDT 1999

     The Y1K Crisis

     Canterbury, England. A.D. 999:

An atmosphere close to panic prevails today throughout Europe as
     the millennial year 1000 approaches, bringing with it the so-called
     "Y1K Bug," a menace which, until recently, hardly anyone had ever
     heard of.

     Prophets of doom are warning that the entire fabric of Western
     Civilization, based as it now is upon monastic computations, could
     collapse, and that there is simply not enough time left to fix the
     problem.

     Just how did this disaster-in-the-making ever arise? Why did no one
     anticipate that a change from a three-digit to a four-digit year
     would throw into total disarray all liturgical chants and all
     metrical verse in which any date is mentioned? Every formulaic
     hymn, prayer, ceremony and incantation dealing with dated events
     will have to be re-written to accommodate three extra syllables.
     All tabular chronologies with three-space year columns, maintained
     for generations by scribes using carefully hand-ruled lines on
     vellum sheets, will now have to be converted to four-space columns,
     at enormous cost. In the meantime, the validity of every official
     event, from baptisms to burials, from confirmations to coronations,
     may be called into question.

     "We should have seen it coming," says Brother Cedric of St. Michael
     Abbey, here in Canterbury. "What worries me most is that THOUSAND
     contains the word THOU, which occurs in nearly all our prayers, and
     of course always refers to God. Using it now in the name of the
     year will seem almost blasphemous, and is bound to cause terrible
     confusion. Of course, we could always use Latin, but that might be
     even worse -- The Latin word for Thousand is Mille, which is the
     same as the Latin for mile. We won't know whether we're talking
     about time or distance!"

     Stonemasons are already reported threatening to demand a
     proportional pay increase for having to carve an extra numeral in
     all dates on tombstones, cornerstones and monuments. Together with
     its inevitable ripple effects, this alone could plunge the
     hitherto-stable medieval economy into chaos..

     A conference of clerics has been called at Winchester to discuss
     the entire issue, but doomsayers are convinced that the matter is
     now one of personal survival. Many families, in expectation of the
     worst, are stocking up on holy water and indulgences. 
     -- 

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<BLOCKQUOTE><TT>The Y1K Crisis

Canterbury, England. A.D.     999:

An atmosphere close to panic prevails today throughout Europe     as
the millennial year 1000 approaches, bringing with it the     so-called
"Y1K Bug," a menace which, until recently, hardly     anyone had 
ever
heard of.

Prophets of doom are warning that the     entire fabric of Western
Civilization, based as it now is upon monastic     computations, could
collapse, and that there is simply not enough time     left to fix the
problem.

Just how did this disaster-in-the-making     ever arise? Why did no one
anticipate that a change from a three-digit to     a four-digit year
would throw into total disarray all liturgical chants     and all
metrical verse in which any date is mentioned? Every     formulaic
hymn, prayer, ceremony and incantation dealing with dated     events
will have to be re-written to accommodate three extra     syllables.
All tabular chronologies with three-space year columns,     maintained
for generations by scribes using carefully hand-ruled lines     on
vellum sheets, will now have to be converted to four-space     columns,
at enormous cost. In the meantime, the validity of every     official
event, from baptisms to burials, from confirmations to     coronations,
may be called into question.

"We should have     seen it coming," says Brother Cedric of St. 
Michael
Abbey, here in     Canterbury. "What worries me most is that THOUSAND
contains the word     THOU, which occurs in nearly all our prayers, and
of course always refers     to God. Using it now in the name of the
year will seem almost     blasphemous, and is bound to cause terrible
confusion. Of course, we     could always use Latin, but that might be
even worse -- The Latin word     for Thousand is Mille, which is the
same as the Latin for mile. We won't     know whether we're talking
about time or     distance!"

Stonemasons are already reported threatening to     demand a
proportional pay increase for having to carve an extra numeral     in
all dates on tombstones, cornerstones and monuments. Together     with
its inevitable ripple effects, this alone could plunge     the
hitherto-stable medieval economy into chaos..

A conference of     clerics has been called at Winchester to discuss
the entire issue, but     doomsayers are convinced that the matter is
now one of personal survival.     Many families, in expectation of the
worst, are stocking up on holy water     and indulgences.</TT> 
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