SC - WAY OT: Ice Cream and Murder

[CBlackwill at aol.com]

In a message dated 4/5/00 5:24:04 AM Pacific Daylight Time, RichSCA at aol.com 
writes:

>  Do you know that the murder rate in 
>  New York City increases in the Summertime?  Well, it does.  This is a 
proven 
> 
>  fact.  Ah, but did you know that during the Summertime in New York City 
the 
>  sale of ice cream also increases?  Well, it does.  This is also a proven 
>  fact.  Now, what can you deduce from these two facts???  Well, it is 
obvious.
>  
>   When the sell of ice cream increases so does the number of murders.  So 
ice 
> 
>  cream MUST be the cause of the increase in murders or at least have a 
direct 
> 
>  correlation. Thus it should be recommend that to bring down the murder 
rate 
>  in New York City in the Summertime all sales of Ice Cream should be 
>  prohibited." duhhhhhhhhhhhh?

Actually, The Professsors logic is reversed.  The increase in Ice Cream sales 
does NOT cause an increase in Murders in New York City.  It is just the 
opposite, and this is why (based on my personal studies on this very topic):

Murderers LOVE Ice Cream!  Nothing satisfies after a hard nights killing 
quite the way Ice Cream does.  Murder is, as a matter of course, strenuous 
and physically taxing.  Bodies must be dragged into trunks, cars set alight 
and pushed off of cliffs, and evidence painstakingly collected or removed.  
Not to mention those post-homicidal tremors.  And a cool, sweet, creamy cone 
is just what the doctor ordered after such an evening's workout.  It calms 
the vapors, releases tension, and makes your tummy happy.

In addition, spectators who gather around the murder scene often stand there 
for hours, gawking and gaping, speculating and gossiping.  This tends to make 
the body crave cold dairy products.  Fortunately, every NYPD Homicide unit is 
required, by law, to include an Ice Cream vendor.  The crowd is satisfied, 
thereby decreasing the chances that they will become curious or belligerant 
enough to trapse onto the crime scene and disturb what little evidence the 
killer has left behind.

There is also the great possibility that the killer himself will come back 
for "just one more Klondike Bar" before turning in.  This increases the 
chances of an arrest, as the killer usually still has dried ice cream 
dribbles running down his chin.  It's a dead give-away.

Hope this Helps

Balthazar of Blackmoor

Such a strange fascination, as I wallow in waste
That such a trivial victory could put a smile on your face.