SC - Very OT/OOP, but fun SLUG stories anyway!

[Michael F. Gunter]

> Hi y'all!
>
> This isn't even sort of period, but it is fun, and maybe we can all
> lighten up?
>
> Well, I'm winded, beat, and utterly exhausted. But the big whoop-tee-doo
> kickoff for the Library fundraiser is behind me! Yay!
>
> A few highlights:
>
> Brief radio bit at 7:30 Friday morning. The DJ's were amused because I
> showed up in my robe and bunny slippers, wearing the tiara and carrying
> a cup of tea and a donut (public saftey measure).
>
> The press showed up for the decorating party Friday afternoon (we were
> decorating an old toilet as the Royal Throne for the SLUG Queens- It was
> very *lovely* when we got done with it. Much fringe and spray glue), and
> like most of my run-ins with the press... well, naturally they chose the
> worst film and the one time I said "um..."
> There was another short radio shot afterwards.
>
> Saturday a bunch of the Slugettes (teenaged girls with lots of energy)
> and I went to Saturday Market with signage and encouraged folks to come
> to the Library in the afternoon for the fundraiser. Many tourists were
> alarmed at the Eugene flora and fauna and undoubtedly fled the state.
> (Must explain- my slimy alter-ego, the SLUG Queen Carmen Slugana, is a
> take off on Carmen Miranda. If it is fruity or colorful, I will wear it.
> Mostly tacky)
>
> After a brief lunch stop at home, we spent the afternoon at the Library.
> Several of the Old Queens were there to help, and it s was great fun.
> And like any good party, is was great fun until the cops got there! Well
> you see, a couple of the more exuberant Old Queens were running into
> traffic at the light- like those guys with the squeegees? Queen Stella
> even laid down in the street. And people were giving them money! Lots!
> Naturally someone called the cops. Bummer. We didn't get arrested (I've
> been saying I can't get arrested in this town!) but we got a warning...
> We waved our signs and yelled at drivers "Give us money for the
> Library!" (imagine Brazilian accent) (Hi Chimene!) Folks took pictures
> of/with us. And we raised over $400 dollars in three hours! And several
> of us (including myself) got the first sunburns of the season! *ouch!*
>
> Sunday three of us Royal types went up to the local public radio station
> and were on Alan Siporin's usually-serious "Critical Mass". We did a
> spoof- "How to Marry a SLUG Queen". It was fun- more publicity is great.
> Don Kahle of the Comic News called in and started what will be an epic
> feud with the Queens (tongue-in-cheek, of course), and some guy who
> called himself 'Slick Slugwell' called in and made nicey-nice at me,
> claiming to have a fetish for orange socks (Alan's face when I picked up
> a leg and showed him my socks was great). He even proposed on the air!
> It was _so_ exciting!
>
> Monday evening the SLUG Queens and retinue picketed the Comic News
> Comedy Cabaret evening in retaliation for the call to the radio show.
> Old Queen (a real Queen ;-) and I stormed the stage and pushed Don Kahle
> away- and I told the sad story of running off to Vegas with Slick
> Slugwell, and too late discovering how violent he was- eating clams and
> a plate of escargot! I feared for my safety! I knew I was really in
> danger when I discovered that he abuses that powdery white stuff- you
> know, terribly dangerous stuff- alters your chemistry- it was SALT!
> *GASP!*SOB!* The annulment was filed before the ink was dry on the
> marriage license! Horrors! So then I bewailed my state, all ALONE! And
> said "Ok boys, come and get me!" and who show appear on stage but
> Seumas, wearing a disgustingly loud Hawaiian shirt (thanks, Geoffy!), a
> broad sash of the yellow and red palm tree fabric that trims my outfit,
> and a wreath with two bananas and some grapes on his head. He was quite
> a sight! I took one look, grabbed the sash, turned to the crowd and said
> "A man after my own heart! He's the one for me!" and we went and sat
> down to enjoy the show. Bagonda took the stage next, and danced to
> ABBA's 'Dancing Queen', saying that 'she' wouldn't stop until the bodice
> was full of money. $65 later the 'music' finally stopped. *whew!* And
> Don dragged me onstage to dance a little when Accordions Anonymous (a
> real group and they're actually pretty good!) played the can-can. I
> mostly can't-can't but I gave it a try until an earring flew off and the
> pineapple on my head was wobbling. But today- *OWWIE!* Gotta remember to
> beat Don next time I see him.
>
> All told the Queens raised $498! Yay! More yet to go- and at some point
> this summer I will be auctioning off the famous Dingle Ball Bra. Our
> goal is $7500 so we have work to do.
>
> And now I think I'll spend the rest of the week sleeping it all off...
>
> love and slimy kisses to all,
>
> 'Lainie/Laura/HM Queen Carmen, known as the ORANGE