SC - Viking (brand) stoves

[BalthazarBlack@aol.com]

List,

I know it's way off topic and possibly out of period, but I know some of you 
will get a chuckle out of this, so I'm passing it along...

Bal

Actual Announcements Taken from Church Bulletins

          Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

          Thursday night--potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

          Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and 
community.

          For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a 
nursery downstairs.

          Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies 
giving milk will please come early.

          Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will 
sing "Put Me In My Little Bed"
          accompanied by the pastor.

          Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers 
Club. All wishing to become Little
          Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

          This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward 
and lay an egg on the alter.

          The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the 
ladies will start (quietly) and the rest
          of the congregation will join in.

          The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and 
they may be seen in the church
          basement Friday.

          A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. 
Music will follow.

          At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is 
Hell?" Come early and listen to our
          choir practice.

          Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian 
Church. Please use large double door at
          the side entrance.

          The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign 
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My
          Pledge--Up Yours."

          This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends 
of the church. Children will be
          baptized at both ends.

          On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the 
expenses of the new carpet. All those
          wishing to do something on the new carpet, please come forward and 
get a piece of paper at the end of
          the service.

          We need volunteers for summer camp. There will be sinning and 
dancing.

          The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of 
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev.
          and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

          The Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

          Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. 

          Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of 
several new members and to the
          deterioration of some older ones.

          Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

          The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys 
sinning to join the choir.

          Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing 
for the girth of their first child.

          Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be 
recycled. Proceeds will be used to
          cripple children.