SC - Controversial topics and the human psyche (long)

[The Cheshire Cat]

Mordonna wrote:

>I'm taking a day off from work for my birthday and feeling pretty frisky, so
>let's see if I can start a good passionate discussion or two (since the list
>has been so dead lately<EG>)  Here's my list, how about some others posting
>theirs?  I promise mine will be food related, sort of.
>1. You know, there are BOD rules against using Society Funds for special
>dishes to be fed to High Table only, but Atenveldt Royalty lives in pavilions
>paid for by Society Funds at Estrella  Isn't that a bit hypocritical?
>2. Why do a lot of people say that medieval food was heavily overspiced?
>Isn't it just possible that medieval palates had not been polluted by tobacco
>or industrial pollutants, so they would appreciate more subtle flavoring than
>we moderns would?
>3. Why is it that we are all a pretty humorous bunch, except when our own
>private buttons are pushed?  I am not pointing at anyone but me here, it's
>just that recent things on this list made me ask myself: Why can I laugh at
>the hypocrisies others display but get defensive when my own are belittled?
>I really make an effort at this, because my one real prejudice is against
>intolerance, so I hate it when I am intolerant, but it is difficult, because
>we are talking deeply buried stuff here.  It is especially difficult when it
>comes to food, because food preferences go VERY deeply into the psyche.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORDONNA!!!

I don't really know about the first issue.  I'm one of those nasty,
irreverent people who think that Royalty are just like the rest of us plebs
and while some respect and courtesy is due their rank in the society, in
general they should be treated just like the rest of us.
As to overspicing.  Who says that medieval dishes are over-spiced.  Their
taste in flavours were just different.  I myslef prefer something with a
little bit of taste in it.  I can't stand bland dishes.  IMO period dishes
were not over-spiced they were created to the taste back then.
As to the third topic. I think it's just one of those unfortunate human
quirks.  Noone likes to have their ego's scorched.  People differ and
people'e opinions differ.  We can spend lots of time, working out pet
theories about why such is like the way it is, but we don't like it when
someone comes along and blows our theories out of the water, either by
blunty saying that you are wrong and don't really have a clue, or simply by
coming up with an argument that makes yours sound feeble.  Sometimes people
argue their points very firmly stating fact after fact and precedence after
precedence, but you might be not that good at putting your ideas into words
so yours doesn't sound real good in comparison.  I'm one of those people.
I have to sit and think hard about what I want to say and when I cme up
with an argument, I'm not that good at arguing it out.  I sometimes spend
hours working on something, and then someone with loads more experience and
awards for arts and sciences than what I have comes, or too puffed up with
their own imporance and alphbet soup shows up and proceeds to tell me why
I'm wrong, without letting me get a word in edgeways, or not saying
anything nice about it at all.  Then I feel really bad because what I was
really proud of has just been ruined and I've felt publicly humiliated.
Noone like being humiliated, especially by those whom other all respect.
Humiliation turns into resentment and tempers flare.
I have seen people, newcomers enter a prize tourney or competition with a
bit of garb they made and are really proud of. Something not quite up to
the standard of the old hands at such things, but really good and I've seen
some of them come away in tears, not because they didn't win anything, but
because while they were in there everyone just told them what was wrong
about it, nothing that was right.  Comments are only constructive when you
are nice about it.  If you have to say something that will hurt their
feeling about their work, try saying something nice as well.   I'm not
trying to point any fingers, I think if we all look at ourselves
objectively, we're all guilty of it at one time or another.  It's just a
fact of nature it would seem.
Comments hurt peoples feelings and when we've been hurt we feel an need to
lash out at whoever hurt us. When poeple hurt an idea that is close to our
hearts, the hurt goes deeper and is often turned into anger and the need
for retaliation.  Maybe, the Trimaris thing was like that.  We all felt
that our passtime was being threatened and we needed to lash out at
whatever caused it.  We love our cooking.  I can get rather passionate
about it and I get a little annoyed when I hear words against it.  If noone
starts pulling apart my passions I am quite a cheerful person to get along
with, but I can turn into a monster when under attack.
It just goes to illustrate how fragile the human psyche is.  Care needs to
be taken so that it doesn't get broken.  I've seen the effects of knock
dawn after knock down can have.  Low self esteem and self opinon is one
possible result.  People say to themselves "I can't seem to do anyhting
right" and as more and more people go by without making one positive
comment, they start believing it and eventually give up.  It's
heartbreaking to see someone go from really active and enthusiastic to
disinterested or too afraid to do anything for the fear they'll muck it up
again and get toasted.  This happens more often than we care to admit to
oursleves.  Especially in close knit groups.  Memories are long when
everyone knows each other.  Mistakes are noted and remembered.  More often
than not, people never gat a second chance because their past mistakes are
remembered and they are dissuaded.  "I don't know that it's such a good
idea for such and such to be seneschal because, you remember what happened
five years ago at such and such a feast, they were so disorganised and it
wasn't very good was it?"  I've seen it happen adn it's happened to me.
People drop out and we lose more than we gain.  The best we can do it to
make allowances for mistakes and play nicely.  Point out their mistakes,
but also point our the good things they have done and more often than not
you'll find that the good outweighs the bad.  Say something nice every now
and then, it doesn't cost much, and it helps alot.

Sorry.  This is one of my particular soft spots at the moment.  The Bru ha
ha gave me a very good reminder of how cruel and snipy even the most gentle
people can be.  That and other things.  I feels sad for us all.
- -Katerine