SC - Thanksgiving dinner- OOP

[Philippa Alderton]

A smile, before I take off for the holiday ;-)


>Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this
>Thanksgiving. I'm  telling you in advance, so don't
>act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be  coming,
>I've made a few small changes:
>
>Our sidewalk will not be lined  with homemade, paper
>bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that
>no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch
>sacks do not have the  desired welcoming effect.
>
>Once inside, our guests will note that the  entry
>hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn
>and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've
>gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having
>them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front
>yard. The mud was their idea.
>
>The dining table will not be covered with  expensive
>linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible,
>we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a
>fork. Since this IS thanksgiving, we will refrain from
>using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa
>napkins from last Christmas.
>
>Our centerpiece will not be the tower of  fresh fruit
>and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be
>displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted
>from the finest construction paper. The artist assures
>me it is a turkey.
>
>We will be dining fashionably late.  The children will
>entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be
>happy to share every choice comment I have made
>regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey
>hotline. Please remember that most of these comments
>were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the
>turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
>
>As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will
>play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children
>should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal
>drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously
>like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
>They are lying.
>
>We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver
>bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end,
>we chose to keep our traditional  method. We've
>also decided against a formal seating arrangement.
>When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the
>table and sit where you like.
>
>In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children
>to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next
>door.
>
>Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person
>carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative
>onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner.
>For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a
>private ceremony. I stress  "private" meaning: Do not,
>under any circumstances, enter the  kitchen to laugh
>at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to
>check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The
>turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will
>eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
>
>I would like to take this opportunity to remind my
>young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a
>football play. Nor is it a request to bean your
>brother in the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and
>one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the
>meal, and especially while in the presence of young
>diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its
>lesser-known name:  Cheese Sauce. If a young diner
>questions you regarding the  origins or type
>of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance.
>
>Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead
>of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious
>desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin
>pie,  garnished with whipped cream and small
>fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it
>or leave it.



Phlip

Nolo disputare, volo somniare et contendere, et iterum somniare.

phlip at morganco.net

Philippa Farrour
Caer Frig
Southeastern Ohio

"All things are poisons.  It is simply the dose that distinguishes between a
poison and a remedy." -Paracelsus

"Oats -- a grain which in England sustains the horses, and in
Scotland, the men." -- Johnson

"It was pleasant to me to find that 'oats,' the 'food of horses,' were
so much used as the food of the people in Johnson's own town." --
Boswell

"And where will you find such horses, and such men?" -- Anonymous