SC - Re: Worst Critique Ever

[Philippa Alderton]

Well, since Llew has asked Hauviette to post his rebuttal publicly, I
suppose I might just as well post my response publicly, under the heading he
sent it to me privately with.

#################################

Llew, the feast sucked- it was almost totally inedible, as I detailed.
Normally, I like everything that was intended to be on the menu, with the
exception of anise flavored foods, which, according to the ingredient list,
were confined to the tea eggs, and the braised pork.

You wrote:

>First of all, in our Kingdom, it is traditional to wait a few weeks for the
>cook to recover and to perform their own post mortem.  It is only
>courteous and polite.  By posting your remarks when you did, it served
>only to pinpoint the exact feast you were describing in the minds of
>many.You might
>have included the Chief Cook's name and the event for all that it mattered
>after that.

How many? Hauviette and one or two others subscribe to SCA-Cooks List from
the Middle Kingdom, and most of the rest of the SCA-Cooks List members would
have little to no way of finding out exactly which feast that was- the menu
and ingredients were removed from the website by Tuesday, when I posted.

>Further, I find it odd that you did not post these remarks to
>our Kingdom Cooks' weblist (as I know you are a member).  I was always
>taught that it is not polite to wash one's dirty linen in public.

I wasn't interested in starting an arguement where everybody got
personalities involved. There were what I felt were several very basic feast
rules seriously broken, to the diners' detriment. There are certain
principles applicable to serving a meal to a large number of people,
regardless of the venue, and serving badly cooked food is one of them.

Further, the MK Cook's List is just starting to understand what good period
food is all about. So far, the only really good period feast I've eaten in
the MK was Jasmine's for Coronation. All the rest have been modern or
marginal perioid in concept. I will admit that Jasmine's, yours at Harvest
Days, and this one all avoided my favorite awful MK dish, the Deadly Chicken
(tm).

As far as airing one's dirty linen in public, I can't think how more public
one can get by serving an inedible feast to the populace. It's no wonder the
feast hall wasn't sold out, if this is a standard in our area.

>. Further,
>you have already been asked before by members of your own Kingdom to please
>take your criticisms directly to the cook involved before posting them
>elsewhere as you create much more embrassment and resentment than would
>otherwise have occurred.

Actually, I have been asked by precisely one person in my own Kingdom to
take these things to the Cook first- you. If I choose not to honor such a
request, that is entirely at my own discretion.

>>She has no reason to be embarassed as there was no one who left hungry.

I beg your pardon? I left hungry, as did my tablemates. One of them, Andrew
MacRobb, has instructed me to say, for him, that, and I quote directly, "Any
similarity between this meal and a Chinese feast was purely coincidental."
He disliked it extremely as well, and as soon as dnaco.net email gets back
on line (they've been broken down for over a week) he will post you with his
comments directly.

>>Phlip, as you were not in that kitchen, you do not know what went right or
>wrong.

No, I'm relying on a comment made by one of the Cooks in my hearing
afterwards. She said that there had been some problems in the kitchen, and
having dealt with similar difficulties before, I was being charitable.

>To be blunt, you should have asked. I, myself, would have been glad
>to have told you what went right and wrong.  The only "trouble" in the
>kitchen was a pot of burned rice that meant we had less than we hoped >but
as
>there was so much other food, this did not seem to matter that much.

Yes, there certainly was a plenitude of inedible food. Unfortunately, rice
is a staple of a Chinese meal, and we were served only enough for one
person, to feed a table of 8. And if that was the only trouble in the
kitchen, why was the rest of the food so bad?

(My comments about the condiments deleted. I admit I wasn't very nice ;-)

>Again, by putting out a critique of this type, you are completely ignoring
>your stated purpose of telling us how to make this feast better.
>Inflammatory phrases and words only serve to hurt and embarass - not >help.

My point was that nothing I had available or could have brought would have
made that food edible.

>Further, your account comes off as more of an attack than a remediation.

Not half as bad as the attack on my palate.....

>Phlip, I made those eggs and they were soaked in the strongest mixture I
>could create for almost three days. I do apologize if your egg was pale.

I think they needed more soaking. The ones I saw at my table had a mild
streak or two of grey- that was 8 out of how many? I can only judge by what
I saw and tasted.

>Unfortunately, confusion in the feast hall meant that we had to ask people
>to leave the hall so we could finish setting up. This contributed to the
>chill on the soup.

Understood. However, it is usually a principle of good cookery, and, as I
understand it, for feasts in general, that one leaves out foods that are
good at room temperature, and provides the hot foods later, fresh from the
stove, oven, or warming table.

>Finally, a constructive comment!

Hard to find something to comment constructively about. There were quite
simply too many errors.

>Quite bluntly, nothing in that feast was served uncooked. The buns were
>steamed in an industrial steamer.

Maybe you should have plugged it in?

>Maybe they were not up to your standards
>but they were thoroughly cooked. Again, you should have asked.

Don't need to ask. I know what undercooked biscuit dough tastes like, and
these were definitely undercooked.

>Again, you err. No oil was used in the potstickers. That was juice from the
>steaming of the meat and they were quite edible.

Meat juice = oil/grease.

>I have two bags frozen in
>my freezer and am planning on having them tonight as a matter of fact.

Oh? Why didn't they get served at the feast? Our table's serving plate
consisted of 16 of the half raw steamed buns, and 8 of the potstickers. As I
said, three bites per person.

>>About an hour's wait, for anything else...

>If you are going to critique a feast, at least don't exaggerate.  The
entire
>three course feast with desert was on the tables within 1 1/2 hours.  I was
>helping expedite so therefore I was keeping a close eye on the clock. Yes,
>things did come out slower than we intended but we were trying to make
>certain the chicken was served as hot as possible and were delayed by a
>burned pot of rice.

Andrew was timing it, but there was an almighty long wait for anything else.
I know I had time for at least 4 cigarettes while I was waiting- with a fair
ammount of time waiting before I went out, and another good wait when I
finally came back in.

>>The steamed spinach appeared to have been frozen spinach, boiled to death,
>with toasted sesame oil and untoasted sesame seeds in it- the sesame oil
was
>
>far too strong for the spinach as it should have been, and someone had
>apparently added some sugar or other sweetener. Even the vinegars didn't
>help.....

>The spinach was steamed in an industrial steamer not "boiled to death".

Don't know what you did to it, but it was soggy grass clippings, for all I
could tell.

>Also
>please try to make your parts of speech match because it is impossible for
>something to be "far too strong" and then "as it should have been". Please
>try again when you have that thought sorted out.

Quit being pissy. Actually, my phrasing makes perfect sense if you read and
understand the English language competently. However, since apparently you
don't, let me translate: The roasted sesame oil was far too strong for the
spinach. Spinach does not benefit from the strong flavor of roasted sesame
oil. The spinach should have been served with an unroasted sesame oil. Does
that help? Next time, you might try reading the modifiers applied to the
word(s) intended to be modified.

>>Shortly after the spinach and rice, the braised pork and the stir fry
>>arrived. The pork was served in a dried-out slab, almost tasteless, and
>>indistinguishable from some badly over-cooked fish steaks I had once-
>>halibut, I think. Again, nothing I had helped- Stubby got most of ours.
>>Minimal spicing.


>Again, you are not trying to critique - only insult.

Don't have to "try" to insult. The meat was an insult to the animal which
died to provide it.

>And you are wildly
>wrong here. That pork was so tender that when I cut it, it shredded like >a
good pot roast.

Oh? The pieces I got didn't. Where'd the tender pork go? Home to your
freezer?

> As for minimal spicing, how come you could smell the pork
>spices throughout the event and clear outside the building?

Dunno- maybe it might have helped if you'd put the spices in the food?

>As for your
>overcooked fish, what on earth does that have to do with a legitimate
>critique?

Didn't realize I was getting paid or graded on my critique, unlike the money
I paid to be fed inedible food. My image was to point up the poor cooking of
the meat, whatever it was. You really should study the English language.

>Again, you should have asked. The stir fry was stir-fried! If you did not
>like it, dissect it by how you would improve it not by how clever you think
>you can put it down.

The stir fry was stir boiled- I will not retract that statement. That's what
happens when people try to stuff too much food into a wok or a frying pan,
and I don't care whether you had oil in it or not. How would I improve it?
As I said- by making a number of smaller batches. Liked the idea provided by
someone on this List- using a grill to fry up a large batch.

>>The noodles were served seperately, and almost edible, but at that point I
>>had entirely lost my appetite. I think they were boxed fettuchine.....

>Did you eat them or not?

I tried, but it's hard to eat very much lukewarm fettuchine when it's all
stuck together.

>>*Sweetened fruits
>>Mandarin oranges in light syrup, pears, apples, honey
>>
>>These were the hit of the feast- someone remembered to bring a can
>>opener....

>Again, you faltered.  I don't know about you but I most certainly can tell
>canned fruit from fresh and as I sat beside several people cutting and
>peeling for most of the morning, I can state that you owe someone an
apology
>for that remark.

Oh, the pears and apples were fresh enough. I was just glad someone
remembered the can opener for the mandarin oranges.

>>All in all, a truly miserable meal.

>A matter of opinion.

Yes, and having paid for a miserable meal, I'm certainly entitled to my
opinion, and to publish it wherever I choose.

>>I think that if you're going to make a meal such as this necessary to
>>learn the cooking techniques of that culture, and have people trained in
>>using them doing the cooking.

>Again, as you weren't in the kitchen...

Didn't have to be- I was in the feast hall, and I know what I was fed. I
also know what good Chinese cooking tastes like, and this certainly wasn't.

>>Most of this feast was just simply, badly cooked.

>A matter of opinion.

Shared by others, I might add.

>>As an example, 4 people working on woks could have made the stir boil come
>>out as a stir fry, if they'd worked at it right, and had everyone served
in
>>about 15 minutes. Same with the steamed buns and the potstickers.

>Phlip, again, you were not in the kitchen. This is supposition and
something
>that you will not really know until someone has authorized you to do an
>actual feast for a large number of people.

And you complain about my lack of constructive criticism? I'm telling you
right here, one way to do the stir fry properly- and I passed on a
suggestion from someone else above.

Yes, I wasn't in the kitchen, and now I'm glad, because for all my faults,
this meal isn't one I can be blamed for. And as far as doing a feast, you're
quite well aware my group has gone defunct, due to no fault of my own. Until
we revitalize it, or I join another, I likely won't be doing a feast myself.
But you can trust me on this- when I do, it will be completely period, good
food, well prepared, and whatever gets screwed up (and there's always at
least one dish at every feast that screws up) I'll accept responsibility for
my actions and my mistakes, instead of making a bunch of lame excuses.

>>Chinese cookery for a large group is very labor intensive, as Adamantius
>>said when
>>we were discussing this , and my experience has told me that you keep the
>>pans hot, pre-prep all the foods, and move fast.

>I would ask Adamantius before you use his name to justify a critique of
this
>type. If you will remember, this is exactly the sort of critique that
caused
>such problems last year.

Adamantius, if I used your name in any manner which you find offensive, my
deepest apologies.

As far as you go, Llew, I'm not using anybody's name but my own to "justify"
this critique- Adamantius got mentioned because I was discussing the feast
with him, describing the results, and trying to understand what went so
wrong, to produce the extremely disappointing results I suffered from. As
far as causing such problems last year, last year I was quoting a friend who
chose to remain nameless, and his/her description of a feast, and I
respected that.  Now, I am directly describing my experience as a diner at
an inedible feast. I stand on my own feet, Llew, and take full
responsibility for my actions. Neither Andrew, Adamantius, nor any of my
other friends have any responsibility for anything I choose to do or not do.

>Phlip, as these are the same people who never seem to like anybody's
feasts,
>please, and I mean please, try asking a larger group of people what they
>think. And again, why would comments of this type matter?

Well, if this is your standard of production, they might be the same people
who don't like your feasts. As far as I know, they all started out with
every intention of enjoying this one until they tasted it. Why else would
they have paid their money?

>You Bet!  Once again, Phlip, you have not bothered to take into account the
>feelings and reputations of several cooks that I hold dear before spouting
>off a half-cooked critique full of far more venom than temperance.

Sorry about that. Perhaps they might consider serving a decent feast to
improve their reps? Anybody who liked the feast won't be swayed by my
comments- but so far, I haven't met anyone who liked it..

> As I have
>stressed to all when I judge A&S and when I critique feasts, you always say
>what went right first.

Unfortunately, not much went right, other than the dessert.

>Then, you say how you would have done things better.

Tried, but you ignored half my suggestions. At this point, I think we'd have
been better off feeding the meal to the pigs, and having a pig roast.

>Never use inflammatory language or phrases and never use terms that can be
>taken in ways you do not intend.  From the title of your e-mail to the
>appeal to others to justify this "critique", you have failed on all
>accounts.

"A matter of opinion"

> Not only do you owe these cooks an apology, but you also owe them
>a re-written, concise and fair critique posted on the same boards where you
>have posted your previous missives.

Ok, you asked for it- "re-written, concise, and fair critique posted on the
same boards where you have posted your previous missives".

Here it is....

THE BLAMED FEAST SUCKED!!!!!!!!!

And Llew? Please don't wave your bay leaves at me. They represent someone
else's opinion, not mine- you EARN my respect, you aren't granted it by
right, or by fear. I had started to respect your knowledge about cookery,
after the classes I took with you, and the feast you served at Harvest Day,
but watching you play silly word games with this rebuttal, justifying the
incredibly inedible, has you back to square one.

Ain't nothing you've got that I want, Llew, and nothing you can do to make
me change either my opinion or my free expression of it.



Phlip

Nolo disputare, volo somniare et contendere, et iterum somniare.

phlip at morganco.net

Philippa Farrour
Caer Frig
Southeastern Ohio

"All things are poisons.  It is simply the dose that distinguishes between a
poison and a remedy." -Paracelsus

"Oats -- a grain which in England sustains the horses, and in
Scotland, the men." -- Johnson

"It was pleasant to me to find that 'oats,' the 'food of horses,' were
so much used as the food of the people in Johnson's own town." --
Boswell

"And where will you find such horses, and such men?" -- Anonymous