[Sca-cooks] Fwd: Church Dictionary (a e-mail I got from one of my Catholic friends)

[XvLoverCrimvX at aol.com]

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From: "Louise Kapelewski/ Sailor Missy" <hyper4life at hotmail.com>
To: glfwine at aol.com, XvLoverCrimvX at aol.com, jamie at 4netconnect.com,
    maupvil at juno.com, crazeagle at aol.com, aribakovmm at yahoo.com,
    JNLovs2Dance at aol.com
Subject: Church Dictionary
Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 21:43:15 -0400

Catholic Dictionary
>  --------------------
>
>  AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
>
>  BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily.  2.
>Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
>
>  CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the
>congregation to lip-sync.
>
>  HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
>
>  HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves  higher than
>that of the congregation's range.
>
>  RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little  more
>quietly, since most of the people have already left.
>
>  INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
>
>  JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found  colleges
>with good basketball teams.
>
>  JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
>
>  JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
>
>  KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can  recognize
>besides gyros and baklava.
>
>  MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
>
>  MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't  covered
>by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday  travel has always
>been rough.
>
>  PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.
>
>  PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass,
>consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners  looking
>for seats.
>
>  RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass  - led
>by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
>
>  RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they  actually
>know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
>
>  TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David
>Letterman.
>
>  USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating
>capacity of a pew.

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