[Sca-cooks] A little diversion

[Philip & Susan Troy]

Vincent Cuenca wrote:

>
> In a fit of boredom I came up with the following food geek quiz.  I know,
> it's sorta off topic, but not nearly as bad as the pirate name one.  :-)
>
> Are you a food geek?
>
> Take the following test and determine your personal level of culinary
> geekdom.
>
> Do you, or Have you ever:
>
> 1. Lectured complete strangers on the uses of unfamiliar foodstuffs?
>
> 2. Know what "rocket" is?
>
> 3. Sneered at the lazy yuppie scum who buy premade polenta at the
> supermarket?
>
> 4. Grown your own herbs?
>
> 5. Grown your own vegetables?


Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.


>
> 6. Grown your own wheat?


No. Do I get a point for growing my own barley, though? I malted and
mashed it. Does that make me a beverage geek instead?



> 7. Foregone buying ice cream because the soup bones have taken over your
> freezer?


Yes, but even better, I have taken over _other_ people's freezers with
bones as well.


> 8. Made your own demi-glace?


Well, yeah, duh, as Selene might say. There was also the year I gave out
pints of glace de vollaile as Christmas gifts...



> 9. Own five mortars and pestles, but can't find your pepper mill?


No, only own three mortars, but I do give them away as they accumulate.
I think they reproduce under cover of night and cabinet door. But I can
always find at least one of the three or four pepper mills in the house...


> 10. Consider your mother a heretic for buying premade pie crusts?


She's gotten amazingly lazy once she turned eighty. I've had to speak to
her several times about this.


> 11. Subscribe to seven cooking magazines but mooch newspapers from your
> coworkers?


Nah, read 'em online. The newspapers, that is.


>
> 12. Stayed up late reading Escoffier, Brillat-Savarin, or Julia Child?


Well, I've never been a huge fan of Julia, she being sort of derivative,
but the other two, and other, similar authors, yes. I may have to go
back and check out the works of Curnonsky and Sokolov, especially "The
Saucier's Apprentice"...


> 13. Say to yourself, "I can cook better than this" at a trendy restaurant?


Yes, and then if the chef comes out of the kitchen to see how people are enjoying the meal... ; )

> 14. Know the difference between a china cap and a chinoise?


Yes, and how many of each do we own?


> 15. Fantasize about meeting Charles Ranhofer, James Beard, or Martino da
> Como?


James Beard used to shower outdoors in his back yard next door to my
son's original pre-school, which garnered a few complaints from the
neighbors. I guess he figured if there was going to be a pre-school next
door, might as well.


> 16. Brag about your 10-inch Dick?


Brag? Never. Mention having _two_ ten-inch Dicks? Priceless...

> 17. Know what the last question was about, you vulgar little creature, you?


Q.E.D.


> 18. Have a special carrying case for your knives, sharpening steel,
> whetstone, and knife oil?


Puhleeeze. I only carry the oil on special occasions.


> 19. Spend hours in the "Used Equipment" section of the restaurant supply
> store?


J.B. Prince used to have an entire room full of discontinued and
slightly damaged items, including my Mighty Rolling Pin, Joyeuse, a
six-inch diameter oak model that had been very lightly scuffed by
storage on a painted steel shelving unit, later purchased by me for
about twenty bucks, which would have been probably 75% off.


> 20. Kept a sourdough starter alive for more than two months?


Bzzzt. Not me, sorry. I never found it necessary, as such baking as I do
is generally either pastry or the more Northern-and-Western-European
sponge type work. And my wife doesn't like sourdough.


> Give yourself a point for every positive answer.
>
> Scores:
>
> 1-5 points.  You can barely cook, and probably don't care too much.  You
> probably live on restaurant food and Cheerios.
>
> 6-10 points.  You can cook, and have some clue about technique.  Of course,
> you also have a social life.
>
> 11-15 points.  You can definitely cook, and are quite knowledgeable about
> technique and history.  Your friends vie for dinner invitations.
>
> 16-20 points.  You are utterly lost.  Hie thee hence to the Culinary
> Institute of America before your head explodes.
>
> Personally, I score about a 19.  Mind you, this test is geared towards
> amateurs, though the professionals among us will probably come up with other
> questions.


Hmmm. How about (or is this too wimpy?)


1. Can you certify that you have never purchased pre-grated Parmasan cheese?

2. Have you ever been fired from the Zagat Survey?


3. How many times in the past year have you cut your own paper manchettes? One point for each occurrence.


4. Do you know what manchettes are?

5. Do commercial photographers come to your home for dinner and just
happen to bring a camera?

6. Do you knock on your neighbors' door and inform them their beans are
about to burn, but they can save them if they act immediately? Do you
tell them that under no circumstances are they to stir the pot?

Adamantius (it's too early in the morning and I've been up all night
battling an NT Server)
--
Phil & Susan Troy

troy at asan.com

"It was so blatant that Roger threw at him.  Clemens gets away with
things that get other people thrown out of games.  As long as they
let him get away with it, it's going  to continue." -- Joe Torre, 9/98