[Sca-cooks] Six and counting

[Tara]

In a message dated 9/6/01 7:34:33 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
ekoogler at chesapeake.net writes:

> I am now celebrating 22 years with a wonderful fellow...who is gorgeous AND
> ten years younger than I am!!!  And the best news is that he's stayed
> because he wants to...we've never seen the need for a legalized marriage.

I had considered doing that, because state validation of my relationship
tweaks me.  But, we decided that it was important for a) inheritance
rights, and b) next of kin rights, especially if we travel out of the
country.  If I got into a car accident and was admitted to a hospital in
most foreign countries and we weren't legally married, he wouldn't even
be able to tell them that I'm allergic to Penicillin, let alone visit
me.  If he died, I would have no say in his transportation back to the
states.  If he had no other legal next of kin, those decisions would be
made by the state.  That would mean that they'd cremate him, since that
transportation would be cheapest; I don't think you can be buried in a
Jewish cemetary if you're cremated.  It was especially important to us
since we decided that when we have children (six months and counting!) I
would prefer to stay home with them.  If he died and his parents
suddenly decided that they don't like me, I could be left penniless,
with children.  Wills are *far* from infallable.  Without legal ties,
those who have blood ties would have a huge advantage over me in court,
even with a very specific will.  It's a small price to pay for a good
deal of legal security.  I'm not completely comfortable with tying those
rights to state validation of our relationship... but, they are.  And,
while I like to believe I'm above the reasons why those laws are in
place, I have to admit that there are plenty of people out there who try
to take advantage of others, so those laws have logical reasons.  They
don't just protect some individuals, they protect society which would
otherwise be stuck taking care of those individuals.

Nevertheless, I congradulate you on 22 years of committment.  That's an
acheivement for anybody!  :)

-Magdalena