[Sca-cooks] The Whipped Cream Fight- the straight skinny

Wed Jan 29 08:34:02 PST 2003

Lainie,

You should submit this story to the West Kingdom history site - especially
if there are pictures :-)

Eleanor

----- Original Message -----
From: "Laura C. Minnick" <lcm at efn.org>
To: <mooncat at in-tch.com>; <sca-cooks at ansteorra.org>
Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2003 5:11 PM
Subject: [Sca-cooks] The Whipped Cream Fight- the straight skinny


> At 06:33 AM 1/28/03 -0700, you wrote:
> >Yeah, un-huh.....keep working on your story, there.....
> >Besides, I thought it was the *principality* seneschal you usually used
> >whipped cream with....;-P
> >--maire, running away, fast
>
> No no, this was years ago, er ten?- I was Regional Seneschal for Rivers,
> and my friend Gwilym was Kingdom Seneschal. There had been an 'incident'
at
> July Coronation, when he stopped by my camp late in the evening, he'd been
> drinking, and so had we, and we were eating fresh blackberries with
whipped
> cream- we were just drunk enough that we'd devolved into squirting the
> whipped cream directly into our mouths and then adding berries (or not).
So
> Gwilym stops by, we chat, and I get the urge to put whipped cream on his
> nose (hey, we had been smearing whipped cream on each others noses and it
> was great fun). But we were all sitting in a circle, wrapped up in cloaks
> because it was cold out, so there I am, slowly peeling out from under the
> cloaks and I was standing up when Tristan (Gryphonoak- remember him?) said
> idly, and too casually "She has the whipped cream" and when I was about 6
> inches away, Gwilym's eyes suddenly went *boink* and he ran for it. I
> chased him for a bit, but I was wearing long skirts and he wasn't. So I
> went back to camp and we drank some more... (don't mix wine coolers and
> mead- oh GAWD...)
>
> So- word got out, and we were teasing Gwilym about running. Well, he
wasn't
> having the easiest time of it as KS, and he was getting ready to step
down.
> But we though we'd have some fun with the rumor mill. So we both let on
> that we were mad at each other, and about three weeks later, at William
> Tell Tourney, we staged a duel.
>
> Full duel, he said something rude, I said something rude, it escalated. He
> fired me. I quit. I got to use my joke" What's the difference between
> Gwilym Moore de Montfort and a flounder? One's a scum-sucking bottom
> dweller, and the other's... a FISH!" He had one too- I don't remember it.
> So he pulls out this black leather gauntlet (very pretty BTW) and threw it
> at my feet, challenging me to a duel. EVERY eye in the lodge was on us by
> this point. I picked it up, said "You will remember that I issued the
> challenge three weeks ago, and you fled like a coward!" and slapped him
> across the face with it- POP! Everyone went Oooh! with great sucking-in of
> breath...
>
> We step outside, and there's Tristan, who'd been egging us on in this
> matter for weeks. He has The Tray, piled with several canisters of whipped
> cream, a couple tubs of Cool-Whip, a couple of big spoons and spatulas. So
> Tristan's in the middle, Gwilym and I each choose a can of whipped cream,
> we stand back to back, and Tristan tells us to count ten paces, turn, and
> fire. So One, Two, thr- and I wheel around and yell "NOW!" and Gwilym and
I
> douse Tristan in whipped cream. He stands there and takes it (what else
> could he do, he's holding the tray and besides, it's too late), saying "I
> will repay, I will repay..." the whole time.
>
> So now we turn against each other, and I discover that all but the can
that
> Gwilym has has had all the gas sucked out. And Gwilym's henchmen all look
a
> little green around the gills. Gwilym's getting me pretty good and my can
> will only go PPPFFFTTTTppp. He turned away from me and is doing the "Am I
> good or what?" to the crowd, and taking bows. I pick up a tub of Cool
Whip,
> grab up a handful, and lobbed it over. I have a pretty good arm when I
need
> to. It hit him in the neck and ran down inside his tunic. Suddenly he's
> open-mouthed, immobilized, so I grab another handful of Cool Whip, walk
> over, stick my hand down his tunic and smear it around. Front and back.
> He's just looking horrified and making little "oh. oh. oh." noises. I
smear
> a bunch in his hair (what little there is) and all over his face. The
crowd
> is ROARING. Duchess Hlutwiga is laughing so hard she falls off of the
> picnic table she's perched on.
>
> I take my bows, it appears that I've won, and we all retreat to my camp,
> where Malcolm and Robyn had heated harge pots of water, and there's soap
> and shampoo and clean towels (I run a luxurious camp). Tristan is still
> muttering. Gwilym is choking. He's got whipped cream in his ears. I peeled
> off my veil and the top layer of tunics, and I'm clean- but no- I forgot
to
> pin my braids back! Oh! So I rinsed out my braids, put a clean tunic on,
> and went back to the lodge to much cheering and approbation.
>
> But that is not the end- oh no! Couple weeks later, the rumors are coming
> in... I got fired, I quit, he slapped me. I spit at him. We had a
> knock-down-drag-out screaming fight in the lodge... oh yeah...
>
> Gwilyn whined that he smelled of vanilla for weeks, and couldn't get the
> whipped cream out of his ears. And then...
>
> About a month later, I autocratted Tournament of the Lions, a late 12th c
> style tourney, most of which was challenge matches. My champion, Aleyn the
> Younger, stepped up and declared loudly "Baron Gwilym! I have aught with
> you!" Gwilym looked surprised and a little apprehensive. Aleyn declared
> that since Gwilym had unjustly and without cause assaulted his consort.
> Gwilym insists that isn't what happened. Aleyn begs to differ, and
> challenges his to a bout- a outrance- that is, for real (as much as we get
> in the SCA- it would mean they retain their wounds, and if they die,
> they're out of the tournament). Gwilym agrees. The host of the tournament,
> Baron Korwyn, isn't crazy about this, but he allows it, with these
> restrictions: Maces, no shields, first blood. So they go to fighting. I'm
> tucked under Cornelius von Rugens arm- I can't watch and suddenly I can't
> breathe. Flurry of blows, and Gwilym puts up his free arm to block, and
> yells "AW, SH*T!" as he's forgotted it's to first blood, and now he's
lost.
> So I am vindicated, before God and all. :-)
>
> And Gwilym is still my friend. :-)
>
> 'Lainie
> -who can't use a spray can of whipping cream without thinking of that
> day...
>
___________________________________________________________________________
> Convivitas et Schmoozitas R Us
>
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