[Sca-cooks] "Banned Foods" sortof still is: "Kingdom" NationalDishes

[Daniel Phelps]

Was written:

> Or, he gets them for *every course.*  Loudly.  And with great ceremony.
> --maire, remembering one such distinct instance for a now non-Duke (he
> was prince here in Artemisia)
>
Several years ago I tried my hand at writing a frame tale.  A pair of
stories within it seem to me to be a bit close to the mark regarding this
thread and may amuse.  Consider the following a Yule gift.  A word of
explaination I've clipped it from the larger work so the start may puzzle a
bit.  The preamble to this frame tale set was inspired by the introduction
of the Wife of Bath's tale in the "Canterbury Tales" of Chaucer as well as
various introductory and epistle passages in the "Heptameron".  In creating
this frame tale set I have extracted plot elements from two separate tales
and put them together.   The plot for "The Tale of the Surfeit Squire" comes
from a tale entitled "Eel Pies" on pages 39 through 42 in "Les Cent
Nouvelles Nouvelles"  (The Hundred Tales), a 14th French source.  The plot
for the enclosing  "Tale of the Virtuous Wife" comes from the "Decameron's"
fifth tale on the first day.

*****
All present laughed at the jest and fell to discussing the nature of
marriage, love and infidelity.  The Moors present opinioned that it is the
nature of women to be wanton and unfaithful.  While some among the
Christians argued that virtue resided with the female and that men are more
likely to stray, the majority agreed with the Saracens.
It was  then that a noble lady stepped from the shadows to speak most
eloquently in the defense of womankind.   She was of middling age and
sturdy, the lady wife of one of the senior knights new come to the land.
This formidable lady, by word and gesture, chided the forgathered lords and
gave every indication she knew of what she spoke.  Thus enthused she railed
them with the following discourse.
"I think that priests for all their talk know little of marriage and less of
love.  I have been thrice married and twice widowed, once by maladventure
and once by war.  I know by bitter experience that men, save my good husband
here, when not watched are like kine, wont to wander and graze upon any
sweet clover they snuffle.  My first husband had a wandering eye and other
parts as well.   It proved the death of him falling as he did down a
garderobe while being pursued by an outraged husband.   It is said that my
second husband took the cross to atone for his transgressions of the flesh.
In truth he did so not out of piety but to avoid more earthly retributions.
Well, be that as it may, his soul is in heaven now for he was by a Paynim
arrow slain.  As you persist in relating slanders regarding the nature of
women I, by way of  example of  masculine perfidy, shall relate to you the
following tale and cautionary lesson."
With such a preamble as that she began the following "Tale of the Virtuous
Wife".

A lady well known to me, who stayed home when her husband went on crusade,
caught the  eye of a neighboring count.  This noble sent a squire to press
his suit.   The lady was astounded at the temerity of the count.  Said she
to the squire, "Why has your lord turned his eyes to me?  While he may not
respect his marriage vows I assure you that I honor mine."
"As for that," said the squire, "it is a little awkward to relate but
perhaps I should tell it as my master explained it to me when I asked the
same of him."
The squire then related this "The Tale of the Surfeit Squire".

My lord came to me one day and asked me to carry his words and convey his
affections to you.
I spoke to him saying, "I oft have done like service for you in your
bachelor days, but you are now wed to an honorable lady of both grace and
beauty who loves you well.  She will return from Rome in but a short while.
I beg of you, turn your thoughts back to your lady and do not ask this of
me."
"As you do not wish to do this task for me, I will not command you," said my
master with a sour look.
Later in the eventide he spoke to me as we supped together.
" Oh virtuous squire, what is your favorite flesh above all else," he asked.
"It is eel I love the best," I replied.
"Yes it is indeed most excellent," he responded after a moment's reflection.
The next morning the cook prepared a marvelous dish of braised eel for me to
break my fast.  I ate it with pleasure and  proceeded on with my day.  At
noon a cunningly prepared dish of stewed eel appeared before me and while
puzzled I ate it as well.  When an eel pie was presented to me for supper I
went to see the cook.
"Why have you served me eel three meals running," asked I.
"It is by our lord's command that you shall have your fondest flesh.  I can
serve you no other," said he.
I went to my master and as I approached he asked of me with a smile, "how do
you like your eel?"
"I like it well enough in moderation," said I, "but a steady diet of it
makes me long for some variety."
"Indeed it is the same with me and my appetites," he said.  "Perhaps you now
see my point."
Thus the squire ended  his tale.

"What will you have me tell my master," asked the squire at length.
The lady said unto him, "If it so pleases your master, I shall have him to
dinner two days hence."
In two days the count  arrived for dinner and the lady presented him for his
repast a sumptuous but curious banquet.  While all the dishes were
exquisitely prepared and cunningly differenced with savory sauces, and
gilded crusts; all the dishes; wither minced, broiled, sautéed, roasted or
stewed; consisted of chicken.
The count at feast noticed this curiosity and remarked upon it.  The lady
smiled and said unto him, "As for that, it is the same with women.  No
matter how we are dressed or adorned, under it all, we are all but the same
flesh."
It was by this response that the count realized that his desires would not
be achieved.   Thus disappointed but wiser he returned back to his home and
lady wife that very night.

All who heard her tale, save perhaps her husband, laughed and said that
indeed that the wayward count had been well and truly served.

Daniel