[Sca-cooks] Bread and wine in the Catholic church

[Phil Troy / G. Tacitus Adamantius]

On May 21, 2006, at 5:32 PM, Ana Valdes wrote:

> I am raised in a cloister, German nuns from Bavaria are not to joke  
> with :(
> One of the nuns was my old aunt, my uncle was professor at the same
> school, all my elder female cousins were raised there.
> My cousin is a bishop in the catholic church.
> I met some of the nuns last year, when I was back for a short visit to
> Montevideo.
> They and my bishop cousin asked me, "Ah, Ana, how about your
> practising catholicism today?".
> I answered them "I am a freelance catholic today :)"
> Ana, defending my right to choose to pick the things from Catholicism
> I want and discard the others

Heretic ;-)

My German nun story concerns my uncle Jim, who could easily have  
walked right out of a Damon Runyon story and who, as a young man, was  
a dead ringer for James Cagney. One of his many business ventures  
over the years was the ownership of a cigar shop and newsstand in New  
York's Grand Central Station, and somehow, under circumstances that  
never became clear, he had adopted (for lack of a better term) a nun  
who had come to Grand Central Station to beg for alms from passersby  
(I still occasionally see them doing this, silently praying with a  
little tin cup in front of them) to rebuild her convent which had  
been destroyed by Allied bombers during the Second World War.

My uncle decided it would be a good idea to inform hundreds of his  
friends and business associates (many of whom were Jewish) that  
Sister Maria (or whatever her name was) was taking bets on that  
afternoon's races at Belmont Park. Some bought the story and gave her  
money. Many didn't, thought it was funny, and gave her money. Some  
figured, "Hey, how could it possibly hurt to have a little old German  
nun praying for me?" (This sentiment was substantially echoed many  
years later by New York City mayor Ed Koch, when asked why he was  
being so hospitable to a delegation led by Mother Theresa.)

Of course, it then became necessary to smuggle the suitcase  
containing the $40,000 US Sister Maria had collected in her capacity  
as bookie to the stars back to Germany. Naturally, my uncle _also_  
knew all the customs agents by their first names, and hustled the nun  
and her suitcase through customs, insisting that Sister spoke no  
English and had nothing to declare. "But Mr. Dearing! That is untru- 
mphmphmph!" [Hand over nun's mouth.] "Yes, Sister doesn't speak a  
woooooord of English..."

Yeah, Uncle Jim probably belonged in jail, but he definitely made the  
world a more interesting place.

Adamantius



"Why don't they get new jobs if they're unhappy -- or go on Prozac?"
     -- Susan Sheybani, assistant to Bush campaign spokesman Terry  
Holt, 07/29/04