[Sca-cooks] OT, OOP, not truly food-related, but...

Phil Troy / G. Tacitus Adamantius adamantius1 at verizon.net
Sun Nov 30 07:43:18 PST 2008

It's possible some here may be interested to hear that I just awakened  
from a nightmare of sorts in which Gordon Ramsay and a squadron of  
sous-chef/assassins are trying to kill me.

High speed car chases, flying bullets (silenced nine-millimeters  
appear to have been the weapon of choice) and everything... I don't  
remember why they wanted to kill me; I think maybe they needed an  
appropriately-sized male stiff in order to fake someone else's death  
[see Gregory McDonald's novel, "Fletch"], but I could have filled in  
that particular blank upon waking. I also think it's possible I was a  
cast member on a series of "Hell's Kitchen" or some such thing --  
there were other innocent cooks involved that were more or less on my  
side, but then Ramsay wasn't plotting to murder _them_, so they could  
afford to be sympathetic.

I definitely recall talking to Ramsay, being invited into his home to  
cook with him, and getting into a discussion on Robert Louis Stevenson  
while making noisette butter. It was foaming in the pan as we watched,  
you see and I sort of unconsciously murmured, " 'Late one accursed  
night, I compounded the elements, watched them boil and smoke together  
in the glass, and when the ebullition had subsided...' " I'll bet  
nobody here knew Ramsay's favorite author was fellow Scot Stevenson...  
but I do. He told me so himself. Right before attempting to shoot me  
between the eyes.

Maybe he's really an H.G. Wells fan and only _pretended_ to like  
Stevenson so I'd be off my guard?

I am prepared to bet that I'm the only kid on the block to have had  
this experience in the past 24 hours...


"Most men worry about their own bellies, and other people's souls,  
when we all ought to worry about our own souls, and other people's  
			-- Rabbi Israel Salanter

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