[Sca-cooks] P B & J

Nancy Kiel nancy_kiel at hotmail.com
Thu Aug 27 03:33:13 PDT 2009

It's looks like you have two separate situations that are being combined.  If you invite someone, asking for their dislikes and answering truthfully is helpful. 
 If you have a guest actually at the table to whom you offer something that fits within their dietary guidelines and they turn it down, they are not rejecting you as a human being and it doesn't mean that either guest or host has behaved badly.  It just means they don't want to eat that dish.  I expect Miss Manners would advise the host not to point out the guest's refusal, as that is probably bad etiquette.

Nancy Kiel
nancy_kiel at hotmail.com
Never tease a weasel!
This is very good advice.
For the weasel will not like it
And teasing isn't nice.

> From: judith at ipstenu.org
> To: sca-cooks at lists.ansteorra.org
> Date: Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:03:21 -0500
> Subject: Re: [Sca-cooks] P B & J
> > Judith Epstein wrote:
> >> But when friends come over and someone says "No, thank you" to a  
> >> dishI know they CAN eat, I can't help but think "How rude."
> On Aug 26, 2009, at 3:35 PM, Lisa wrote:
> > *sigh* on occasion there are other issues than just "don't like it",  
> > and it's not always possible to alert the cook ahead of time of  
> > personal issues. I am personally an extremely picky eater, although  
> > I am willing to try most things at least once.  There are, though,  
> > certain textures that I absolutely cannot handle, and onions are a  
> > major NO for me.
> The thing is, to me, if you CAN'T eat something, then you CAN'T eat  
> it. That means whether it's an allergy, a medical intolerance (often  
> mistermed 'allergy'), a religious restriction, an ideological  
> restriction (like veganism), or some issue that makes you feel bad  
> when you eat it (I can't eat anything with the texture of snot --  
> aspic, pudding, Jell-O, runny oatmeal, hot fudge, and yes, I do  
> actually vomit when I try, and therefore it is a "can't" rather than a  
> "won't"). That's valid. You don't even have to tell me why, just say  
> "I can't eat onions," and that's that.
> But a simple "No, thank you..." Well, it's surface-polite, but it  
> doesn't tell me anything that's useful. Give me something I can use.  
> "No thank you, I can't eat onions." You don't have to tell me whether  
> you're allergic or you just dislike them enough to make the dining  
> experience entirely unpleasant. At least, not at the table. When I  
> invite you over, that's the time to tell me, "I'd love to come, but I  
> should tell you that I can't eat onions." Okay, then, that helps me!  
> For that, I will go out of my way to give you an amazing meal that  
> doesn't involve onions. Or blueberries, or whatever it is that you  
> can't eat for any reason whatsoever.
> I may press for more information. "Is it an allergy, a texture issue,  
> a taste issue?" I need to know those things because I need to know  
> whether to just use the powder (which gives taste but not texture); to  
> avoid onions, but garlic is okay, even though they're in the same  
> family and an allergy to one is an allergy to the other; or if it's an  
> allergy or chemical intolerance, in which case I need to avoid  
> everything in the entire onion family. I need to know, in order to be  
> a better hostess and give you a meal that you'll be able to eat and  
> enjoy and not suffer ill effects.
> But if you don't tell me your dietary needs until we get to the actual  
> table? Yeah, THEN a simple "no thank you" is infuriating.
> However, because my mama raised a lady, I will smile and say, "That's  
> all right, not everyone likes every dish."
> Judith
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