SR - Fw: Bubba Claus

[Bob Dewart]

Greetings All,

Sorry for any multiple listings.  Given the time of the year, you all might
like this.

Happy Hoildays

Gilli

-----Original Message-----
Date: Friday, December 18, 1998 7:35 AM
Subject: FW: Bubba Claus

>> Subject: FW: Bubba Claus

>> Subject: Bubba Claus
>>
>> An open letter to the citizens of the South area from Santa Claus:
>> >
>> > Dear ya'll:
>> >
>> > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be
able to serve >>>your area on Christmas Eve. Due to recent changes in my
union contract >>>renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local
209,  I now serve only >>>certain areas of northern Wisconsin and west
Michigan. I also get longer breaks for >>>milk and cookies.
>> >
>> > However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my
replacement, >>>my third cousin from the South Pole, Bubba Claus. He shares
my goal of delivering >>>toys to all the good boys and girls, but there are
a few differences between us, such >>>as:
>> >
>> >  -- There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus, who >>>has a gun rack in his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured >>>by Smith and Wesson."
>> >
>> >  -- Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
leave an RC
>> > and pork skins on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe.  He
does dip
>> > a little snuff, though, so please have a spit can handy.
>> >
>> >  -- Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of >>>reindeer. I loaned him my reindeer one time, and Rudolph's
head now rests
>> >over Bubba's fireplace.
>> >
>> >  -- You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..."
when Bubba
>> > Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace,  on
Martin and
>> > Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
>> >
>> >  -- "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yeehaw!" And you also are
likely to hear >>>Bubba's elves respond, "I heard that!"
>>
>> >  -- The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and
>> > "Ernest Saves Christmas" will not be shown in your area.  Instead,
you'll see
>> > some lesser-known movies about Bubba Claus made in the late 1970s.
Many
>> > feature Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus, Jackie Gleason as a Grinch who
says
>> > "You scumbum!" a lot and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
other.
>> >
>> >  -- Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. I'd turn the other way when he
bends over
>> > to put presents under the tree.
>> >
>> >  -- Lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me, including Elvis'
"Here
>> > Comes Santa Claus" and Madonna's remake of "Santa Baby." Until this
year,
>> > songs about Bubba Claus have been played only on AM radio stations in
>> > Mississippi. They include such classics as Mark Chestnut's "Bubba Claus
Shot
>> > the Jukebox," David Allan Coe's "Willie, Waylon, Bubba Claus and Me,"
and
>> >Hank Williams Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Can Kiss My
Icicle."
>> >
>> > Sincerely Yours
>> >
>> > Santa


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