[Steppes] Telling someone -- ANYTHING

[alkudsi at aol.com]

I think the point of this whole discussion has two main aspects: tact and honesty.  They are NOT mutually exclusive!  
 
In my xx years as an apprentice, Mistress Kalida has encouraged me to enter countless A&S competitions.  Now, I'm as competitive as the next lady, but competitions of this type are horrible from both sides of the table.  I don't like putting my heart and soul into something, only to find out that the person who judged it: a) knows nothing about the art and/or the period, b) doesn't bother to read the documentation, and c) does not know how to judge tactfully.  The late period Elizabethan cook judging my early period Middle Eastern cooking without reading the documentation, asking questions, or being tactful has happened fairly frequently.  On the other side of the table, I've judged a lot of competitions myself (as a Steppes Artisan and as an Iris in places where there were no Laurels), and it can be darned tough.  Luckily, I don't consider myself an expert at anything, so I read the documentation, and ask lots of questions (and in the process, learn a lot), then try to find somethin
 g good to say both before and after anything in the way of critical remarks.  But the sheer volume of things to judge can be maddening.  As can be the person who is fishing for compliments, not constructive information.  
 
A very long time ago, when I had just gotten my Thistle in costuming, a young lady at an event asked me my opinion of her garb.  To be blunt, it was awful -- basically an obviously synthetic fabric made into an Empire dress with leg-o-mutton sleeves (more at home with Jane Austin than anything in period) and with a zipper no less, but I told her that the fabric was a lovely color (true) that suited her.  She persisted in asking for a more analysis.  Again, I tried to find something positive to say, saying that the sleeves were a bit out of period, although well executed.  On the third pushy request, though, I finally told her the whole truth: zipper, Empire waistline, leg-o-mutton sleeves, synthethic fabric, etc.  She burst into tears.  What she really wanted was compliments from someone "important".  Sometimes, they don't want the truth, they're just fishing.  In that case, there is no right way to deal with it, and maintain a degree of honesty.  At that point, I realize I'm not dea
 ling with someone who lives in the real world, and go on. 
 
Saqra
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