[Steppes] The Boot Moose -- Much Ado About Nothing

[William Meriic]

Some of you had asked about the boot moose during the demo.  Unfortunately,
I could not give you the complete story on site.  Since there are others who
have inevitably come across this silly phrase but were not at the demo I
figured I would enlighten everyone at once.

It all started at a demo planning meeting that was running a little too
late.  As the hours passed the level of maturity in the room went with them.
In a discussion between Marguerite and Elinor over what I believed was
heraldry the phrase "boot moose" was uttered for its first time.

Perhaps this was merely a slip of the tongue or maybe Marguerite understood
perhaps only subconsciously the incredible damage this seemingly innocuous
phrase would bring forth.

Nonetheless a series of silly jokes related to the boot moose ensued.  As
the organizer of the scavenger hunt I proposed that we add a question asking
the color of the boot moose.  This would surely lead to a bunch of confused
children.

It should be fairly well-known that I am a little touched.  Perhaps I stood
on the transporter pad one too many times.  After all how can one trust a
machine that tears you apart at the subatomic level?  Regardless of the
source of my psychosis there is no doubt that I enjoy a good opportunity to
take advantage of naïve youngsters.

Due to the great response my proposal received I suggested we take it one
step further; that I would set up an entire stall and post signs warning
that the boot moose will bite and to ask people not to attempt to pet it or
feed it.  The plan was accepted and I was hailed as a champion.

The purchasing of the fence was straightforward.  However, to make the stall
looked truly inhabited I needed a source of dung.  The downside to living in
the city is that I can no longer go outside and pick dung off a tree.  So I
asked if any one on the list had any to spare.

Fortunately lady Galen was kind enough to spend several hours with me
traveling to her farm so that she could donate a healthy batch of her fresh,
homemade horse poo.  I want to take this opportunity to thank lady Galen for
her donation and her time!  Just in case anyone else is in the market let it
be known that she produces outstanding quality horse manure!

Saturday morning at the butt crack of dawn I was on my way to the demo.  I
set up the stall, laid down some straw, strategically placed Mama Galen's
Homemade Patties, and then proceeded to scuff up the ground as if a small
creature was living inside.  I even left the shovel against the stall so we
could "clean it out regularly".

As the kids arrived the plan worked.  Many of the kids spent considerable
time that morning waiting for this animal to come out.  Many questions were
asked:

What is the boot moose's name?  Richard.

What is a boot moose?  A small furry animal about the size of a large cat or
small dog.

Is the boot moose a kind of moose?  No.  They are unrelated.  I believe the
name is of Germanic or Dutch descent.

Where is the boot moose?  It is very cold out.  He may have burrowed into
the straw to keep warm.  If you leave him alone for a little while he may
come out.

Unfortunately, there was one fault to my plan.  The intent was to have the
kids annoy other people, not me!  Most scadians knew of my plan and insisted
on telling the children that I was in charge of this silly animal.  So,
instead the kids harassed me all morning; claiming that the boot moose may
have escaped.

I told them that if the boot moose did get out it likely climbed a tree for
safety.  So the kids spread out and started looking in the trees.  What was
quite funny was that after 15 minutes they found it!  I suggested they go
away and let the boot moose calm down so that it will come back down the
tree.  Unfortunately, this did not work very well and the kids continued to
remain in my vicinity.

At one point I looked up and saw Aleric sitting peacefully on the other side
of the camp.  So naturally I pointed to him and told the kids that he was
the owner of the boot moose and asked them to tell him that it may have
escaped.  It probably would've been more fair of me if Aleric had even heard
the term boot moose once before I sent this gaggle of kids at him.  (Is it
gaggle for a group of kids, or murder?)

As the day drew on the kids started to suspect there really was no such
thing as a boot moose.  Worse, I think much of this mutinous descent came
from various adults telling the kids that there is no such thing.
Naturally, I could not let all of my work go to waste.

I went to my car and proceeded to cut small air holes into a large cardboard
box I happen to have.  I took my velvet hat and stuffed it with fabric.  I
cut a small opening in the bottom of the box so that I could fit my fingers
up through and move the hat around.  I arranged it so that just enough light
could come in the top to allow the kids to see only the silhouette of the
hat when they peered through the air holes.  And finally I completed the
illusion by placing a small cup of water into the box.

When the classes had finished and the fighting stopped I walked up to the
cage and proceeded to catch the boot moose and place him in the crate.  As I
walked back up to the camp I gave the children one last chance to see the
boot moose; to peer into the box.

As the children gathered and peer through they were happy to finally see
this animal.  One young girl even commented that looked just like a bunny.
Eventually all of the attention started to scare the boot moose causing it
to thrash around and shake the box.  In its panic state like most animals it
decided to pee (remember that small cup of water).

The stream of water dripping through the box and all over my tunic was
enough to convince finally and for sure every child and even many of the
adults.  One adult asked if I could open the box so he could see it from a
top.  Naturally this would have given the animal a chance to jump out.

While the boot moose will be remembered for years to come, and I hope spread
popularity, it may be premature to start writing letters suggesting the SCA
replaced the laurel leaves on its device with a boot moose rampant.

There is no doubt that the boot moose was the star attraction of the entire
demo!  However, there are many other efforts that should be recognized.  We
had many fantastic arts and science demonstrations.  One in particular that
drew enormous attention was the "Build Your Own Siege Weapon" class.  Also,
the light and heavy fighters did a fantastic series of demos.  More than
just fighting this was truly a high class act, well maybe not "high".

I had a great time and thank everyone who helped!

Will Meriic
Pooper Scooper Second Class for the Royal Academy of Boot Moosery, Ontario,
Canada.