Stupid Laurel Trick No. 43

[Gunnora Hallakarva]

>Dear Viking Answer Lady...........
>
>I was looking thru my recipe book for anything having to do with Prickly
>Pears........Do you have any suggestions on how to A) pick them B) pick the
>thorns out of you hand (I've heard duct tape works wonders).  Any help would
>be much appreciated.
>
>Thank you for you patience and time........
>
>Your loving friend Mara (laughing her ass off!!!!)
>
Dear Reader,

        After some experimentation, the Viking Answer Lady has found that if
one intends to make prickly pear cordial from scratch, one should NOT ask a
cooking Laurel how to harvest the fruit.  Ask a Viking.  My suggestion is to
purchase the fruit at your local grocery.  If that proves too expensive,
send your apprentices.  Do not tell them about the invisible glockets that
WILL stick into the meaty parts of your hands and require duct tape (or
other sticky tape) to remove: this way you will not only have your prickly
pears, you will also have hours of entertainment listening to your
apprentices moan and bitch.  Or, if you MUST do it yourself, take a
wide-aperture, self-igniting blowtorch and gently fan the #@!$%$#@! cactus
until the &^%$#@!@# spines are crispy critters.  If caught in the field
without a suitable blowtorch, the Viking Answer Lady has found that taking a
rattan sword and swinging it like a golf club WILL remove the fruits from
the cactus, which may then be scooped up with a pair of plastic cups left in
one's floorboard to protect the hands.  DO remember to remove the embedded
thorns from the sword BEFORE your next tournament.

---The Viking Answer Lady