ANST - Chivalry:modern definition

[JulieAnna D. Rohde]

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Timo posted:
 
> An interesting, modern definition of chivalry.....
> 
>         Nancy Henley, in "Body Politics", describes "chivalry" as "an
> oppresive tool designed to make women feel incapable of dealing with the
> world without perpetual assistance"
> 
> comments?

This is one of my peeves!  You see, I've always felt that chivalry was a
woman's best friend.  We allow you guys to feel big, strong and important
and we get all the benefits.  Now we can argue that historically those
benefits may have been more limited than today (where I do enjoy being
"equal" in some aspects), but I just hate these bitter women who try to
ruin it for the rest of us who have a good thing going because we have
figured out how to play the game with you men and they can't figure it out
or else they simply refuse to play.

Women, if you really want to feel like a powerful, liberated woman, learn
the arts of Chivalric behavior for women.  Employ these arts on the men
around you, and enjoy the results.  I'm not talking something cheap like
seduction.  I'm talking pure manipulation here for those who want a power
trip (though that really isn't what this is all about).  The deal is never
let them know what or when you are doing it and they'll never care.  In
fact you'll find them quite willing to comply.  Most men I've met
(especially in the SCA) like to and want to be chivalrous.  But more than
that they want to be Appreciated.  The main problem I see is that many of
us went through school hearing about the liberated woman and we don't allow
the men to BE chivalrous and we don't show appreciation when they are.  (I
must admit, Talen had to train me to let him open doors for me.  I was a do
it myself farm girl.)

Hey, any self-assured Lady knows she can handle things quite well on her
own.  Lift those heavy objects, open doors, do hard labor, and walk
unescorted confident we can stab people with ill intent in the stomach (or
lower) with our daggers if they approach us (well Ansteorran women are
confident of this).  But ladies, we don't need to bother or worry
ourselves.  Men are plenty willing to show off their strength by doing the
hard work and playing the protective role.  So, you say you don't Need a
man.  You don't have to prove it to the rest of us ladies.  We already
know.  Are you trying to prove it to the men?  Let me let you in on a
secret.  Men have Egos.  They will Never believe that we don't Need them.
So play along.  Praise them on their masculinity, do nice things for  them,
relax, and enjoy life.  It's fun!  Don't be flippant though.  You do have
to believe in chivalry and be sincere.  Otherwise they'll figure out that
you are just trying to manipulate them.  They have to be appreciated. 
Remember, men can be made to feel just as cheap as they can make us feel. 
This is not good.  That is misuse of the Chivalric game.  You have to play
with prudence and a sincere care about those around you.  You must always
think about how you can repay their efforts to be chivalrous.  (No I'm not
promoting list bunny behavior.  I try to be a moral person.)  Do you sew,
do you weave, do cook, do you make any type of item that would be
appreciated or needed?  It really is a two way street and both sides
benefit.

Unfortunately, women like the one quoted above cause me to say these things
and clue you men in on what we ladies are up to (as if you didn't have a
clue anyway) which means that now we'll have to be really careful to not
appear obvious.  They also dishearten men in their pursuit of chivalry. I
think that they have determined that it takes too much effort to play the
game, so they want to convince everyone that there is no game.  It is up to
us Ladies to teach the younger ones how to encourage chivalric behavior and
to also encourage and reassure the men that their efforts are Noticed and
Appreciated.  

Yes.  I'm a reverse chauvinist.;)

Peeved at the woman (obviously Not a Lady) but lighthearted as I write
this.

Treschen
(Not claiming to be an expert in Ladies' Chivalric behavior, but an avid
student.)
---------------
Ehrenhafte Herrin Treschen von Asselen
treschen at microtutors.com
>
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