ANST - Question...

[Sandy M Koenig]

except for the fact that he stated in his post it was his INTENTION to
p-- me off.   i don't go out of my way to make someone angry, why should
I accept it being done to me?

raven

On Mon, 29 Jun 1998 13:01:27 -0500 "Jan Downs" <warrior at texas.net>
writes:
>I have found when talking to people about things like this, if you 
>make them
>wrong for whatever they did they can't hear what you are saying and 
>it's
>counterproductive.
>Human beings would rather die than be wrong. Think about it: how much 
>do
>you(a general *you*, no one specific intended) hate being wrong and 
>how much
>more do you hate being told about it. This is not to say we don't all 
>at
>some point or another need some insight about how we are jerks. We all 
>have
>our flaws. As hard as it is sometimes, it is more helpful to approach 
>this
>sort of conversation from a position of compassion and the desire to 
>make a
>contribution to this person. Maybe they don't know what a jerk they're
>being.
>
>I wish I could live up to this ideal 100% of the time. ;>
>Martel
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Mary Temple <noxcat at hotmail.com>
>To: ansteorra at Ansteorra.ORG <ansteorra at Ansteorra.ORG>
>Date: Monday, June 29, 1998 11:11 AM
>Subject: Re: ANST - Question...
>
>
>>>Good Morning,
>>>
>>Good Evening,
>>
>>>  When one person does something wrong, they are unchivalric and 
>need
>>to
>>>  be taken to task for it. Right?
>>>
>>Perhaps. If they are self-aware and adult enough to realize they've 
>done
>>something wrong on their own, and then admit to it, and/or apologize 
>for
>>it, then no. Assuming this is not the case, then yes, although I 
>would
>>not have used the phrase "need to be taken to task". (semantics 
>warning)
>>Perhaps "spoken to"? "Shown the error of their ways"?
>>
>>>  People then decide that they are the judge and jury and must bring
>>>  this public as rudely as possible to teach the person a lesson, 
>and
>>>  thus being unchivalric themself. Right?
>>>
>>Right. Miss Manners says (grin) it is even more of a breach of
>>ettiquette to publicly point out someone's breach than it is to 
>commit
>>the first breach. (Hmm...does that mean parents are worse than their
>>children when they tell them to take their elbows off the table?)
>>
>>(snippage occured here)
>>>  Second, how does one properly take someone to task that is 
>behaving
>>>  inappropriately?
>>>
>>Well, failing the "lead by example" option, I have always thought 
>that
>>talking to them directly and PRIVATELY yields the best results. 
>Putting
>>someone on the spot is in poor taste...and can distract the person 
>from
>>thinking about the message you are trying to convey to thinking about
>>how best to get out of being the one everyone's looking at.
>>
>>>  I have always assumed that talking plainly and calmly directly to
>>>  people would work most of the time. When that doesn't work, using
>>>  plain and obvious examples of why it is bad has always worked. 
>There
>>>  are of course those individuals who will do as they will no matter
>>>  what. There is nothing we can do about them except socially ignore
>>>  them until they go away.
>>>(snippage occured here as well)
>>
>>Socially ignore them and HOPE they go away. For some it's not a 
>matter
>>of "do as they will no matter what". For some they just simply can't 
>or
>>won't comprehend that they're in the wrong. To do so is to admit they
>>are in error, and some simply cannot do that for whatever reaon -
>>"foolish pride", "insecurity", what have you.
>>
>>She who is never Perfect, but strives for Improvement -
>>Lady Catriona Rowley
>>Bryn Gwlad, Ansteorra
>>>
>>>--
>>>Phelim "Pug" Gervase  |  "I know that I will never be politically
>>
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