ANST - Funny Stuff Sent To Alina (Don't Read, If Easily Offended)

[Cougar!!]

Alice Harris wrote:
> 
> Greeting From Alina:
> Something I got from a sister of mine. Don't read, if you're easily offended.


These are not as good as yours, but here goes...

Wildest story heard:

Unit called to scene to find a man standing in a pool of blood. Along
the counter were shots of vodka lined up, and an empty 1.75ltr. bottle.
Man promptly runs into bathroom and locks door. After firefighters
remove the door, medics find man passed out, wearing bulging panties.
Stacks of rye bread are on the sink. Examination revealed the panties
were stuffed with blood soaked rye bread, and the penis was cuts down
the sides, like a banana. Turns out, the guy had not been satisfying his
wife and had tried to peel the skin off so it could grow.

Things actually experienced by myself:

Young black male brought to Ben Taub ER, status post crack cocaine
useage. Patient had two distinctive and absolute personalities, one
female, one male. The personalities would watch the ER and make comments
to each other in two VERY distinctive voices. The personalities would
argue with each other,..."I'm getti'n tired of yo chit!" "you better
shut up, bitch!" Patient would sqwak LOUDLY like a parrot, when touched.
I *was* however able to convince them (him) to let me get a set of
vitals, but had to get permission from both voices.

Unit called to unconscious/unresponsive to find a woman on a couch in
altered states of counsciousness, due to a diabetic problem. Seems that
she had not eaten in two days due to financial hardship. When given
money by a friend, she bought and injected insulin, and consummed a 12
pak of beer. Pt refusing treatment. Pt would pass out, and be loaded
onto stretcher, via implied consent, only to regain consciousness, jump
off the stretcher and back on the couch. This repeated several times. 
After FINALLY convincing her to go to the hospital, she was about to be
loaded into the unit. Asking me to come closer and putting her hand
around the back of my neck, she leanes up a little, and says, "I've been
taken to the hospital before, but NEVER 'cause I wouldnt give up some
pussy!." I kinda shot bolt upright, and starred a blank look at my
partner, who just shrugged and continued to load the patient into the
unit.

January 1, 1992 00:07 transporting a 90+ y.o. w/f in cardiac arrest, CPR
in progress, pt is tubed and being bagged, I'm doing chest compressions,
and my partner is running Epi and Atrophine via I.V., when all of a
sudden, he breaks out in a tune, "Start your day with a D.O.A., doo dah,
doo dah!"

						Cougar!!

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