[Ansteorra] RE: The question of who we are and how we act in and out of the SCA

[Gerald Norris]

Sometimes you need a vent for your frustrations.  Sometimes you need someone
you can just say what you feel.  Our spouses act as first line of defense
(when the mix is right).

Within the society, for those people who are peers, landed nobility,
royalty, etc., many people look to them for words of encouragement, acts of
kindness and such and expect these people to act as saints all the time.
The same thing happens outside of the SCA; if you are in a managerial
position you are expected to be as positive as possible at all times,
providing critique when needed.

But there are very few people who are saintly as others expect them to be.
Sometimes you just have a "bad day".  Sometimes it's a combination of
accident and planned activities going wrong.  Whatever the reason, there HAS
to be someone to vent at, to act as a sounding board so that you can admit
to the frustration without feeling as if you've just devistated someone.
Again, in marriages that work this tends to be a two-way treatment and
usually the agreement is that only one spouse can "go crazy" at a time.
Close friends are someone to rely upon, that a grumble can be stated without
having to worry about how many other people are going to hear about the fact
that you didn't like the way feast was served, or something else that hit
the wrong spot that day.

We stop being civil to those closest to us because we trust them to know
that we're not like this all the time.  That gives us the chance to bring
frustration out in the open and possibly put it up for other's inspection
("Well, Gerald, while I can understand that you would have liked to see more
sweet meads at the bardic circle, you could have at least APPRECIATED the 15
year old scotch if you hadn't been sulking about the meads...") and
sometimes find out if we're maybe focusing too much on a negative aspect.

And so, I'm done.

Gerald.
>
> ON THE OTHER HAND... (Preach mode on, Soap box activated)
>
> It seems to me that that in some twisted backwards way, the people we are
> closest to are the people we stop being civil to first. Perhaps because
> at some basic level we feel they have to accept us (in particular our
> spouses, alas). Someone you consider family will often be treated without
> thought in a
> way you'd never in a million years treat a stranger.
>
> Watch yourself and how you treat your spouse and closest kin, and
> see if you
> don't do it too... Snapping at them when stressed, forgetting the pleases
> and thank-yous, ordering instead of asking. Forgetting to give those you
> love and cherish the respect and civilty you'd give, without thought, to a
> total stranger.
>
> Screwed up ain't it...
>
> In the end though....A skunk in a cat suit is still a skunk.
>
>
> Caladin-
>