[Ansteorra] courtesy

[Beth Ellis]

Clare,
I think you hit the nail on the head here.  I was fumbling around with 
writing something on the whole "lead by example" idea, but you stated it 
much more clearly than I could have.  One thing that I discovered long ago 
(by watching my own reactions as well as the reactions of others...) is that 
if you bludgeon someone about their behavioral mistakes, it usually just 
makes them angry - and usually angry enough to ignore whatever the object 
lesson is.  Leading by example is a great way of communicating the desired 
behavior to another person without them feeling alienated, singled out, or 
persecuted.  I think a lot of the discourteous behavior we see today is 
unintentional. In this day and age, a lot of people don't even realize they 
are being discourteous because they were never taught the concept of polite 
behavior. If that's happening in the mundane world, then of course it's 
going to bleed over into the SCA.   I remember trying to communicate the 
concept of personal honor to some high school kids once, and they didn't 
have a clue what I was talking about.  Scary.
Corrinne

>
> Rather than expect other people to become more courteous, the easier thing
> to do is to apply the message to oneself.  God knows, I need a few lessons
> from the ole clue bat as it were.
>
> When I first get into the SCA, I was truly excited about everything and
> watched how I interacted with people... I said thank you, appreciated
> everyone, curtesied before the presence (thrones or people), asked
> permission before entering campsites, always asked before I sat in someone
> else's chair, etc, etc.  As I got older, (mentally and chronologically
> within the SCA, I started slipping.  It's so easy to go into a campsite
> when you know someone and not ask.  To interrupt a private conversation
> because well, you're older than dirt and expect everyone to know your need
> is more important.  Look at what you do and how you do it and try to
> improve one thing you do.  Maybe you need to stop and start thanking the
> people who serve you.  It's a small simple thing but if you did that one
> thing, you're helping to correct the situation.  I have my little self
> improvement projects.  One of them is to ask before I enter someone's
> pavilion or campground or if I have to, I apologise for doing so without
> lingering.
>
> People learn by example and by watching peers - either their social level
> or the Peers.  Rudeness makes it mark and it really is the one thing that
> sticks in people's mind.
> The bottom line in the SCA is that while it's cool being the King. or a
> Knight or a Laurel or even a Pelican, it's everyone's game.  I have more
> fun when people are nicer and I bet that people have more fun when I'm
> nicer as well.
>
> If everyone picks one thing and works on it.  We should see a general
> improvement overall.
>
> Regards,
>
> Clare St. John
>
>
>