[Ansteorra] What are we here for?

[Elisabeth B. Zakes]

On 10/2/06, Lisa Sawyer <lady.ysabeau at gmail.com> wrote:
> As someone else wrote earlier, it is the duty of the ladies to allow the men
> to be courteous and to provide them with opportunities to do so. I was one
> of those "I can do it!" type of women. Then one time someone asked me how I
> felt when I helped someone else...warm, fuzzy, useful, etc. Then they asked
> me, then why would you want to deny someone else the opportunity to feel
> that way. It made me sit back and think about about it. I now have a
> completely different perspective on it. So now I smile and say thank you
> when help is offered. So, please, keep offering your assistance and I for
> one will smile and say thank you!

One should also be courteous when turning down an offer. Usually I
accept, but there are times when it just doesn't make sense: If taking
half my load would unbalance me, or if I have just three feet to go,
for instance. In that case I always make sure to tell the person WHY
I'm declining, while still thanking him for his offer. Then he knows
it was appreciated, but just not needed *in that particular case*.

What I DON"T like is someone who just comes up and takes something
away from me. While a well-intentioned gesture, the person should
always offer rather than take. It might be something the lady does not
wish others to carry, no matter how heavy. It also falls under the
"don't touch something that belongs to someone else without their
permission" rule. Unless you see something threatening to fall, just
offer. If it's falling, rescue it, and offer it back to her, at the
same time offering to carry it for her instead.

There are many ways to be both helpful and courteous, and to accept or
decline those offers of help. Manners are the oil in the machinery of
human interactions. A lack of manners is the sand. Overall, the SCA
has a higher grade of oil than current modern society. I wouldn't mind
raising the grade of modern oil, but let's not let the SCA grade
deteriorate. <G>

For those of you thinking that offers of help and other courtesies are
declining, I beg to differ. I've seen the same situation recur
periodically over the past large number of years. All it takes is a
gentle reminder from time to time to get us all back on track again.

Aethelyan Moondragon
Bryn Gwlad