[Ansteorra] Dealing With Uncourteous People (WAS RE: Uncourteous Peers?)

[Mike C. Baker]

> This past summer I had an unpleasant ordeal with a member of 
> the peerage I did not know well at all. To say the least it 
> left a very sour taste in my mouth and in a way it broke a 
> piece of my heart. From what I had learned of and from peers 
> in the past being courteous to others was something that is a 
> cornerstone of earning said peerage.  
> I do not mean to offend anyone with this missive. I myself 
> strive to be as courteous as I can be. I know we all have bad 
> days and make mistakes. 
> So my question is, how do you deal with a rude peer? Do you 
> simply ignore the rudeness? Ignore the peer?Do I simply chalk 
> this incident up to a bad day or mistake?
>  
> In service,
> Lady Aerin

How would you deal with any given rude person, within similar context,
if they were NOT a peer?

There's at least half your answer, if you are being honest with
yourself.  I'll presume that you are (honest with yourself) if you have
the sense of presence to consider that there may be mitigating
circumstances.

Now, certainly there should probably be some consideration to
alternatives applied that are in keeping with relative station, current
political situation, current personal situation without regard to
relative station, and so forth.  

If said rudeness is threatening to the SCA, the enjoyment of others, or
otherwise more than something between just the two of you, who else is
it reasonable or appropriate to involve?  I've got *one* set of answers
for myself, but this is a question that really does require that it be
addressed from the viewpoint of the aggrieved parties, and in light of
the immediate circumstances (and any potential longer-term
consequences).

A "working" hierarchy to consider, more or less worst-case to
most-minor:
* Is the matter at hand sufficiently serious to involve some level of
officialdom?  (Autocrat, local seneschal, kingdom officer, Crown, BOD,
mundane authority, Higher Power?)  Is safety or security in immediate
danger?  The degree of immediacy, and the potential violence level,
should be considered when choosing the authorities to be involved.

* Is the matter something that should be addressed by the *unofficial*
hierarchate?  Is there an appropriate intermediary -- perhaps another
peer, or even a senior apprentice, who can put a proper counter into
play if the uncouth person tries to spread the disputatious event into a
peerage circle or some other forum that really is not appropriate for
such a personal dispute?

* Is the matter at hand simple human cussedness, or a matter of known
and long-standing touchiness in relation to said individual?  Who are
the normal "handlers", and how quickly can they be brought into the
picture?

* Is the matter such that it should just be ignored (perhaps in a
specific matter, but in essence still ignored)?

Of course, there is one more question to ask when confrontation seems
unavoidable:  "Do I have an important cause to defend -- or a person, or
an ideal, or whatever -- that is important enough for me to enter into a
dispute with anyone who displays such lack of courtesy?"

Also phrased as "Am I willing to pay this price?"

I answered once upon a time in the affirmative to such an internal
question, and it cost me in many ways (I'll not tell that tale here, for
it is old news mostly better forgotten).  I have answered other times in
the negative, and paid the price of seeing things turn out in a fashion
that was not to my liking or to the benefit of anyone I would name
"friend".

I answer still in the affirmative when I believe the cause right, and
acknowledge the price as part of MY contribution to life and living.
(I've earned & pledged & promised & given oath in several forms, within
and outside the SCA -- go ahead and call me an idealist, and I'll say
"Yes -- and why would any sane individual call me that as if it were
something to be ashamed of?)  Hey, I answered THIS question, and at
greater length than I first intended, because I felt that I had
something important to offer for consideration.  My friends will tell me
(in private, at least if I screwed something up too badly) if I have
done well or not.  My acquaintances may answer me here, or in private if
that is their preference.  That is the manner of our mutual
conversation.  That is one of the beauties of our (evolving) system of
communications.  

Praise the praiseworthy.  Ignore the ignoble, so long as they are only
hurting themselves.

And LAUGH, every chance you get.

In service to several ideals,
Amra

Adieu, Amra / ttfn - Mike / Pax ... Kihe (Mike C. Baker)
SCA: al-Sayyid Amr ibn Majid al-Bakri al-Amra, F.O.B, OSCA
"Other": Reverend Kihe Blackeagle PULC (the DreamSinger Bard); Eagle
Scout BSA (1976CE)
Opinions? I'm FULL of 'em | alt. e-mail: KiheBard at hotmail.com OR
MCBaker216 at cs.com
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http://www.livejournal.com/users/kihebard/