[Ansteorra] Of all things wonderful and silly....

[Paul DeLisle]

Allow me to elucidate, good Gentles:

I must sadly confess that I am somewhat of an Authority on Prootwaddles (no,
it's not something I generally put on my C.V.)

 

The last official sighting of Prootwaddles was at the last Barbarian
(UN-event) in Bjornsborg, and included one that oddly resembled a certain
not-terribly distinguished White Scarf....that was going by the moniker of
Linda LoveWaddle.

 

However, I digress. Allow me to explain the nature (such as it is) of these
creatures.

 

Prootwaddles are, without a doubt, the most vile creatures ever to roam the
planet. They have NO sense of hygiene; and, in fact, consider cow-patties
(cow-flops, bovine manure, etc) to be the most precious of
treasure...something they will guard with the utmost zeal.

Unfortunately...that zeal is somewhat limited, since they are also among the
most cowardly creatures to ever exist. 

 

They do have speech, and limited, occasional writing skills. (I am reminded
of a certain distinguished Bjornsborger who received his name from such an
occurrence...one Ivar RuneMagi (which means "Belly" in Norse)...when a
Prootwaddle who oddly resembled him appeared with "Dishonor Before Death" in
woad...upon it's prodigious belly.)

However, I digress yet again.

 

They do wear clothing....of a sort....usually whatever they have found...and
not necessarily worn correctly. (They have been known to consider adorning
themselves with the afore-mentioned "treasure" as "accessorizing.")

 

Prootwaddles are hard to find...although they seem to be drawn to Quests.
Their presence may be determined by their mating cry: "Prrrr-oo-oo-oo-oot!" 

To which, if (Ghodz-forbid), *another* Prootwaddle should hear...would be
answered with: "WaddleWaddleWaddle"

 

Although no-one is quite certain whether Prootwaddles have male and female
sexes, as we know them.....we *do* know that they are insatiably sexual
creatures...and will mate with absolutely *anything* (including logs,
mud-puddles, or their own hoarded treasure.) In fact...it is one of the only
things that will draw them out of their natural cowardice. 

 

A unique aspect of their Biology is that Prootwaddles are Incredibly
fertile...and  *any* creature (i.e. not flora)  that a Prootwaddle manages
to mate-with, *will* become pregnant. Another aspect of their Biology is
that they appear to reproduce by giving off spores....a short session of
"dry-humping" from a Prootwaddle is sufficient to impregnate the unfortunate
recipient. 

The offspring is *always* another Prootwaddle...which will immediately run
off to hide. Gestation periods are unclear....as there are no records,
beyond apocryphal tales...of such births; assumedly because the shame is not
anything a civilized woman (or man) would be able to bear; and because of
the newly-born Prootwaddle' genetic cowardice. 

 

Fortunately for the more civilized masses...Prootwaddles can only ever be
glimpsed during Odd years, usually during the summer and fall (giving a
respite to more serious-minded folk the other 18 months.)

Their common habitat is what used to be called a "Primitive site"....I.E.
one with no roads, running water, or cleared fields. 

 

It is rumored that Prootwaddles are extinct; as there have been no confirmed
sightings for better than two decades. This extinction has been blamed by
Conservationists on "Extreme Periodicity", and "Over-Stuffiness." (These are
technical terms...I leave their research to the reader.)

However, there is a rumor that Prootwaddles can achieve what was previously
thought to be a disproven scientific axiom; i.e. "Spontaneous Generation." 

It is rumored that, if the right conditions are met....that Prootwaddles can
once again, be viewed and studied.

 

I pray you, dear Reader, for the good of all humanity......DO NOT attempt to
re-create this habitat and situation.

 

In (dis)Service to the Kingdom, I remain:

Alden Pharamond

 

 

 

 

> -----Original Message-----

> From: ansteorra-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org [mailto:ansteorra-

> bounces at lists.ansteorra.org] On Behalf Of willowdewisp at juno.com

> Sent: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:21 PM

> To: ansteorra at lists.ansteorra.org

> Subject: Re: [Ansteorra] Of all things wonderful and silly....

> 

>  A pootwaddull appeared at the Aten kingdom A&S held during my reign as

> Queen of Atenveldt. It was there when I was forcibly baptist by the united

> Church of Ansteorra. During the ceremony when Grayraven was pouring

> dirty river water over me Prince Randall threw the pootwahall into the
river

> to negate the Baptism.

> willow

> __________________________________________________________

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