[Bards] Throwing one to the Lions...

Ori Pomerantz ori at simple-tech.com
Sat Aug 4 11:07:40 PDT 2001


> So I submit my critique for critique.
	Wow, a chance to argue with somebody's critique (sound of Uriah
rubbing his hands together and cackling evilly).

>        This really is not in Limerick form.  The rythem is close but the ryme
> is not the same.  This poem uses the form of rhymed qutrains.  That is
> stanzas of four lines each with some form of rhyme.

	<< Comment on the critique: I'd explain what a Limerick is. AFAIK,
a Limerick is a poem of five lines, with the rhyming scheme AABBA
(meaning the first, second and fifth lines rhyme and so do the third and
fourth lines). >>

>        I like the poem, it's a nice piece of light verse and i can see that
> it would be an effective performance piece.  For the first three lines the
> listener doesn't really know what kind of poem this is going to be then that
> fourth line hits you like a zinger and catches you off guard.

	Which is a common characteristic of Limericks (where the fifth and
last line is usually a surprise). That's probably why you got them
confused. << When teaching, I found that following people's thought
processes and seeing WHERE their mistakes come from and telling it to them
is very valuable. It really helps the teaching process and makes the
information more memorable. >>

> flow of the line, a bit like tapping your breaks while driving down the road.
>  I would rewirte it to make it flow better.  Some suggested phrasings might
> be.  "That was like several fighters I know" or "Like several old fighters I
> know."  Nither of these lines of mine are great lines but they do flow
> better.

<< Good point. I know I have the same problem, maybe because I'm not a
native speaker and don't know where the accent is as naturally as the
natives >>

		Uriah  of  Hebron
		The Eastern  most
		Bard in Ansteorra

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