[Bards] A taste of my poetry
iainmacc at juno.com
iainmacc at juno.com
Mon Jul 7 10:49:20 PDT 2003
On Sun, 6 Jul 2003 11:51:40 -0700 (PDT) Little Dancer
<born2bonstage at yahoo.com> writes:
Here is a small taste of my original poetry... I have not mastered comic
poetry yet so most of mine are on a serious note... Please, tell me what
you think (Good and bad)
THOUGH NOT OF GOLD
Although it is not mine to give
because I have none of it by name
what soft splender suprises me
and erupts my soul to flame
If it were mine, I'd give it thee
so take it sir, alas
protect it well
though not of gold
this heart of worn and tarnished brass.
It is one of my shorter pieces... I have longer...
I like this piece. It says it well, and it says it straight to
the point. Granted, the meter of the 1st and 2nd stanzas does not match,
which most would probably consider a flaw. And the fact that it doesn't
makes the delivery clumsy in the mouth of someone who hasn't seen it
before. Still though, I like what it says and how it is put.
It reminds me of something I wrote several years ago:
All the Marbles
I'd give nearly anything
To spend my days with you.
Working, sharing, loving,
The way we used to do.
But what have I to give for such?
Whatever could I sell?
A brain that works but poorly,
And a heart that works too well.
I find that poetry is accepted, for that matter anything is
accepted, if it's done well. Both of these pieces (yours and mine) are
ones I wouldn't do for competition, though. Regardless of the fact that
mine is out of period, they are both *too* short. Yes, I agree that
brevity is a good thing, and there is a certain validity to 'leaving your
audience wanting more'. But something that takes less time than it takes
to introduce yourself is TOO short. I try for something that takes at
least a minute and a half to deliver, no more than 5 minutes, tops. My
preference, my "comfortable range", is right in the middle of that, at 2
1/2 to 4 minutes.
In Joyful Service,
Cave Tyranniam Timorium Suorum
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