[Bordermarch] Site work Day

Lathrop, Dave Dave.Lathrop at valero.com
Mon Aug 27 11:21:07 PDT 2007



Site Work Day, 08/25.07



I am still suffering psychological trauma from the near loss of my


7:00 am Saturday, just north of scenic Kountz TX; HE Elisabeth calls Sir
Simonn and Countess Mistress Tessa.

They were in Woodville at Mackie D's hammering down their breakfast.

During the conversation some stranger tells them they lost all their

Mistress Tessa relayed this exciting info to HE Elisabeth. Elisabeth's
eyes bulged in amazement.

We find out all 6 of the 55gl plastic barrels somehow flew off Sir
Simonn's trailer without his knowledge. It was awfully foggy that

Our new quest was to recover the lost barrels on our way to site.

We spotted some blue barrels shortly thereafter. I slogged through snake
infested ditches wearing cutoffs and sandals to retrieve them.

I picked up barrel #5 in a gravel yard that had a thin layer of pea
gravel the size of small marbles scatter about.

I heaved the barrel into the truck bed then slipped on the pea gravel
and slammed my knuckles into the side of the vehicle. I looked like an
avalanche in slow motion as I began my decent into a world of pain

One foot went south, the other went north. My arms were slicing and
dicing the moist Southeast Texas air with rapid propeller motions. Pea
gravel was flying in every direction. I tried to voice a scream for
help, but the only sound I produced was a loud grunt.  My lovely wife
told me later that one moment I was standing there and the next moment I
was gone.

Did you ever wonder how those high school cheerleaders can jump way up
in the air and come down into a full split, smiling?   It hurt me really
really bad.

I split myself wide open.

I struggled back into the truck with my bruised knuckles, my bruised
manhood and my new pea gravel encrusted crotch. HE Elisabeth lost
control of her body functions as she laughed at my situation.

We arrived at site and everyone was waiting with wetted lips to see if
we were able to recover the barrels.

 The first thing I noticed after the laughter stopped, it seems my good
wife told everyone about my little accident in the gravel yard, was the
camp dog killing red wasps.

It seems that Lord Diego had trained the dog with snacks to help him in
the battle with one particularly nasty wasp nest.

Lord Diego and his daughter, M'lady Courtney, camped the previous night
at site to get a head start on clean-up. Lord Diego is Bordermarch's
Chirurgeon and is always well prepared for any emergency. His trailer
looked like a hardware store on wheels. If we needed something, he had

He let me borrow some very nice safety glasses with some bling attached.
I never returned them.

As we headed to the castle I noticed a large wasp was trying to get it's
stinger through Lord Slovaczek's shirt sleeve. 

When I informed him of impending danger he took one look at the wasp on
his sleeve and went into some sort of kung-foo hustle thing. After he
stopped turning in circles while slapping at his sleeve he regained his
composure. He uttered a silent curse and made some arcane hand gestures
to ward off future attacks.

We stopped to visit with Lord Phocas and his son M'lord Josh. They
arrived the previous evening and spent the night in the castle's tower.

Lord Phocas was installing some creative lighting for the bardic
amphitheater and M'lord Josh was staving off the bees. Josh has a bee
phobia and finally went crazy when they kept attacking him.

Phocas installed some big recycled ginger plants at the bardic

Do bards crave raw ginger?

Mistress Tessa spent the day in the dirt. Every time I saw her she was
kneeling in the garden, grooming it to perfection and whispering sweet
baby talk to the plants. By the end of the day she was covered with soil
and was still whispering to someone we couldn't see.

When HE Elisabeth commandeered Lord Diego's riding lawn mower she was
out of control and on fire. She plowed down everything in her path
except the three acres of protected wet-lands that Lord Diego took care
of with his bush-hog. (Just kidding, it was 2 acres)

While Lord Aaron Whitewolf and Lord Diego were cutting down several
large dead trees with chainsaws, Lord Adolf the Bear and his entire
family, Lady Colecte, his beautiful young wife who surely regrets ever
meeting Adolf, M'Lord Eric, his #2 son who can be bought with food and
young M'Lord Carlos, son #3 who does not cry when stung by a wasp,
continued hand mowing the castle area and weed eating everything else.
Adolf's # 1 son, M'Lord Derrick, made an appearance later in the
afternoon when all the hard work had been completed. I'm sure Dad will
punish him during fighter practice.

 The pungent odor of hot moist sawdust and spent oil surrounded his
large frame as he assaulted the dead oak with his screaming chainsaw.
The oak was twisted beyond any semblance of its previous regal stature
by recent hurricane force winds, still it continued to defy nature's
force of gravity while standing like a sentinel at death's portal.
M'Lord Aaron Whitewolf maintained a death-grip on the chainsaw. To him
this tree was a danger to all who visit Bordermarch. His nature is
somewhat like a Mother goose. He will defend friend and family with his
last quack. We all tried to warn him of the tree shifting directions as
he continued to fell it. The piercing sound of the chainsaw or perhaps
his intense concentration blotted out all our warning cries'. It seemed
as though the oak was determined to crush him beneath its massive trunk,
but Lord Aaron prevailed. The mighty oak crashed down with a mighty
roar, right onto and through a fence. 

We cut the wood into firewood then repaired the barb wire fence. That's
all I'll say about that.

A crew set out to clear the ravine and returned exhausted. With
absolutely no air movement in the ravine they performed heroically. They
accomplished their goal and now the ravine is ready for even more
intense battle scenarios. 

M'lord Jessie and M'Lord Shawn showed up with Lady Kemela, Lord Aaron's
wife, to help with the walls constructed to conceal the porta-potties
located near the castle.

Lord Adolf whined a little about some people not sharing the load, but
Sir Simonn and I were busy in the air condition truck checking the
progress of everyone else. A large group of people needs leadership so
we took it upon ourselves to carry that burden no matter what the cost.
We did consider reworking the front gate structure, but that meant we
would have to get out of the truck. It was hard to make a decision with
the radio blaring and the cold AC blowing in our faces, but we finally
convinced ourselves that the gate structure's integrity would last many
more years.

We eradicated the bees. Built a new wall, cleaned the ravine, mowed the
grass, worked the garden, and now have ginger plants at the

We all met at the Texas Star for chicken fried steak and cold ice tea.
The rainbow that was spotted as we left meant something, but everyone
was too tired to comprehend it.



Thanks to all and keep the pea gravel story to yourselves. 

HE Santiago


















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