[Bordermarch] Fighter practice

[Lathrop, Dave]

Unto Barony Bordermarch

Greetings,

 

I must protest against the unrelenting laughter that was emanating from
the Ladies that seemed to flock around HE Elisabeth at Thursday's
fighter practice. I protest because they were taking great pleasure
listening to my wife tell those stories about my seemingly endless
misadventures. 

I overheard her telling them that my stately pose on the tennis court
with sword in hand and protruding gut reminded her of the time I fell
from the roof of the barn. The fact of the matter is I did not fall; I
gracefully glided safely down to earth. My number two son and I were
roofing the barn with sheets of fourteen foot aluminum roofing, whose
edges were as sharp as razors. Number two was on the peak of the roof
ready to grab the sheet when I handed it to him. The peak is over thirty
feet from the ground so a long extension ladder was required for me to
get the material to him. I was at the top of the ladder fully extended
with the razor sharp sheet of roofing on my finger-tips pushing it to
number two son. I told him to make sure he had a firm grip before I let
go because I did not want it coming back down on me. Sure enough just as
I let go and took the first step back down the ladder he screamed "Dad!!
I can't hold it; it's slipping out of my hand!" I didn't even look up. I
grabbed that ladder and took the next step down as fast as I could. If
that metal came down and hit me I knew I would suffer some serious hurt.
As I stepped down one more rung, the ladder decided to slide out from
underneath me. There was no time to panic. I glanced at the terrain
fifteen feet below and spotted a large jagged stump right where I was
destined to fall. I had a wife and family and all of my children's
friends to support so I decided to live. I gathered my great strength
and pushed off from the failing ladder. I must digress here and inform
you, the reader, that as a youth I placed third in a state gymnastic
event. My specialty was the high bar and I was certainly used to
falling. When I pushed off from the ladder I immediately spread my arms
and stretched out my oversized tank top to its full capacity. I then
spotted a smooth gently sloped area that was suitable for a large
falling man to land in. I was ten feet from the ground when I found the
proper glide path for a smooth landing. It seemed like an eternity, but
finally I was close enough to the ground to start my tuck and roll
routine that I had perfected during my early years as a gymnast. One leg
extended slightly bent with the other tucked underneath. Even before I
hit the ground I had already started to roll. The timing was absolutely
perfect. The extended foot lightly brushed the earth followed by my
tucked and rolling body. I completed the unrehearsed routine by rolling
out of the tuck and coming to a perfect upright position on both feet.
No cuts, no bruises and no pain. I was totally unaffected by the quick
decent, but my glasses did fly off. I called for number two to come down
and help me find them, but he was laughing so hard I thought he would
fall off the roof. He had managed to maintain his grip on the sheet of
roofing, so my early departure flight was unnecessary. I found my
glasses by crawling around on my hands and knees and feeling for them. I
am quite blind without my glasses. When number two made it to the ground
and stopped laughing he said that when I was falling I looked like a
three hundred pound flying squirrel soaring through the air. When the
near fatal accident was relayed to my wife she once again almost had to
run to the bathroom because of her laughter. Such concern always touches
my heart! I am reminded of the time I told her repeatedly to never leave
the hammer on the top of the ladder, but she did it anyways, twice, and
it fell and smacked on the head when she moved the ladder, did I laugh
at her pain---absolutely not!!  I offered sympathy and gently rubbed her
head then I banned her from the ladder for life. 

This is only one of my misadventures that she shared with the Ladies at
fighter practice. They kept looking at me and laughing so I know HE
Elisabeth was spilling her guts about my other unfortunate accidents.

We had a new heavy fighter, M'lord Richard, take the field and he did
very well. Lord Zain is back in town and he joined the rapier fighters
for some practice. It's good to have him back and we hope we can keep
him here for a while. Three Kings is coming up soon and it looks like
we'll have a pretty good number of Bordermarchers going to the event. We
appreciate meeting the new people that are introduced to the group at
fighter practices and perhaps they will stay and join us as we travel
this journey we're all on.

 

HE Santiago