[Bordermarch] Fighter practice

[W G Wimberley]

Your Excellency, 
      Having picked myself up off the floor after falling from my seat and nearly snorting coffee from my nose laughing (forgive me, Excellency), I wish to express *my* sympathy for your plight whilst undertaking this menial labour. The nobility should not have to soil their hands with such, I know, but when the peasants revolt, what else is one to do if one wishes to keep the estate running smoothly? 
     I think Your Excellency coped admirably with the situation; after all, no one ended up needing the care of Chirurgeon or Hospital. And as an individual who is also all but blind without her corrective lenses, I sympathise.
In Service, 
  Lady Meresankh 

-----Original Message-----
>From: "Lathrop, Dave" <Dave.Lathrop at valero.com>
>Sent: Oct 19, 2007 2:18 PM
>To: Barony Bordermarch <bordermarch at lists.ansteorra.org>
>Subject: [Bordermarch] Fighter practice
>
>Unto Barony Bordermarch
>
>Greetings,
>
> 
>
>I must protest against the unrelenting laughter that was emanating from
>the Ladies that seemed to flock around HE Elisabeth at Thursday's
>fighter practice. I protest because they were taking great pleasure
>listening to my wife tell those stories about my seemingly endless
>misadventures. 
>
>I overheard her telling them that my stately pose on the tennis court
>with sword in hand and protruding gut reminded her of the time I fell
>from the roof of the barn. The fact of the matter is I did not fall; I
>gracefully glided safely down to earth. My number two son and I were
>roofing the barn with sheets of fourteen foot aluminum roofing, whose
>edges were as sharp as razors. Number two was on the peak of the roof
>ready to grab the sheet when I handed it to him. The peak is over thirty
>feet from the ground so a long extension ladder was required for me to
>get the material to him. I was at the top of the ladder fully extended
>with the razor sharp sheet of roofing on my finger-tips pushing it to
>number two son. I told him to make sure he had a firm grip before I let
>go because I did not want it coming back down on me. Sure enough just as
>I let go and took the first step back down the ladder he screamed "Dad!!
>I can't hold it; it's slipping out of my hand!" I didn't even look up. I
>grabbed that ladder and took the next step down as fast as I could. If
>that metal came down and hit me I knew I would suffer some serious hurt.
>As I stepped down one more rung, the ladder decided to slide out from
>underneath me. There was no time to panic. I glanced at the terrain
>fifteen feet below and spotted a large jagged stump right where I was
>destined to fall. I had a wife and family and all of my children's
>friends to support so I decided to live. I gathered my great strength
>and pushed off from the failing ladder. I must digress here and inform
>you, the reader, that as a youth I placed third in a state gymnastic
>event. My specialty was the high bar and I was certainly used to
>falling. When I pushed off from the ladder I immediately spread my arms
>and stretched out my oversized tank top to its full capacity. I then
>spotted a smooth gently sloped area that was suitable for a large
>falling man to land in. I was ten feet from the ground when I found the
>proper glide path for a smooth landing. It seemed like an eternity, but
>finally I was close enough to the ground to start my tuck and roll
>routine that I had perfected during my early years as a gymnast. One leg
>extended slightly bent with the other tucked underneath. Even before I
>hit the ground I had already started to roll. The timing was absolutely
>perfect. The extended foot lightly brushed the earth followed by my
>tucked and rolling body. I completed the unrehearsed routine by rolling
>out of the tuck and coming to a perfect upright position on both feet.
>No cuts, no bruises and no pain. I was totally unaffected by the quick
>decent, but my glasses did fly off. I called for number two to come down
>and help me find them, but he was laughing so hard I thought he would
>fall off the roof. He had managed to maintain his grip on the sheet of
>roofing, so my early departure flight was unnecessary. I found my
>glasses by crawling around on my hands and knees and feeling for them. I
>am quite blind without my glasses. When number two made it to the ground
>and stopped laughing he said that when I was falling I looked like a
>three hundred pound flying squirrel soaring through the air. When the
>near fatal accident was relayed to my wife she once again almost had to
>run to the bathroom because of her laughter. Such concern always touches
>my heart! I am reminded of the time I told her repeatedly to never leave
>the hammer on the top of the ladder, but she did it anyways, twice, and
>it fell and smacked on the head when she moved the ladder, did I laugh
>at her pain---absolutely not!!  I offered sympathy and gently rubbed her
>head then I banned her from the ladder for life. 
>
>This is only one of my misadventures that she shared with the Ladies at
>fighter practice. They kept looking at me and laughing so I know HE
>Elisabeth was spilling her guts about my other unfortunate accidents.
>
>We had a new heavy fighter, M'lord Richard, take the field and he did
>very well. Lord Zain is back in town and he joined the rapier fighters
>for some practice. It's good to have him back and we hope we can keep
>him here for a while. Three Kings is coming up soon and it looks like
>we'll have a pretty good number of Bordermarchers going to the event. We
>appreciate meeting the new people that are introduced to the group at
>fighter practices and perhaps they will stay and join us as we travel
>this journey we're all on.
>
> 
>
>HE Santiago
>
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