[Bordermarch] Bath House Adventures!

[Lathrop, Dave]

Greetings Bordermarch,

We've returned from executing the construction of Lady Collect's new potting shed that she has graciously allowed Bordermarch to use for a bath house during this year's Gulf Wars. Her hubby, Lord Adolf, assisted her with its initial design and fabrication in the driveway of their home.
Neighbors no longer peek through shuttered windows to observe the goings on at Lord Adolf and Lady Collect's house. The neighborhood now throws a block party whenever our Seneschal  and former Kingdom Middle Eastern Dance Champion begin a new project in their yard.
The Bath house was erected in semi complete stages in their driveway over the period of several weeks.
Lady Collect kept making design changes to the potting shed that surely must have taxed Lord Adolf's handicapped brain when he set about bringing
her visions to life.
The potting shed ended up with a wonderful full sized shower in it of all things!
The shower has a place to put some soap and a place to put a bottle of shampoo!
The tope colored shower curtain Lady Collect picked out to compliment the exposed rafter design in the potting shed is fantastic!
As one passes through the potting shed's portal the first impression is," Oh My God!, I'm in a fancy designer bath house with sooo many accessories
I cannot count them!"
Lord Adolf fabricated some really nice peg hangers from pegs. They are of such ample size and quantity one should have nary a worry about the placement of armor and weapons
when showering in the potting shed.
The custom reticulating shower mat crafted from wood planks that Lord Adolf claims were previously used on the cabin door of the "Sulfur Queen",
will serve a dual purpose:
It seems Lord Zane has already laid claim to the loft area above the potting shed's shower stall. He will use it as temporary sleeping quarters until someone erects his tent for him at Gulf Wars. Access to the loft area is accomplished by using the shower mat as a ladder by hanging it on the sturdy peg racks. Since the twin rubber hosing connecting the wood planks are real stretchy, Lord Zane will have to ward his eyes from puncture wounds.


I was promptly scolded by Lord Adolf when I comment on the lovely brown color of the potting shed's trim boards that Lady Collect chose to accent the "Phosphate White" walls with. He told me the color was not brown; it was "barn brown!" I discovered that "barn brown" is totally different than---- how do I put this---"just plain brown".
I learned that you cannot paint a barn with just plain brown paint, it must be "barn brown" paint.
I tend to agree with this since I painted my own barn with "barn red" paint.

While Sir Simonn was perched on the razor sharp apex of the ridge cap, the pointy part of  the potting shed's roof, he used his buttocks to make a impression of the sharp ridge cap. When I inquired as to the purpose of the impression he said he wanted to place a gargoyle on the shed's roof and needed the proper angle to mount it. He claims he's used this technique before when he was younger, but due to his present age and loss of muscle tone, he didn't know if his buttocks would keep the impression until he got home.
All was well with the  impression of the ridge in his buttocks until he mistakenly sat on a cluster of staubs.
It all happened so fast and details are now a bit sketchy but here goes;
   After Sir Simonn had finished with his ridge work he then proceeded to trim some of the weeds that sprout every year at the base of our site's trees. The rest of us were extremely busy and didn't have time to watch Sir Simonn's every move; that was our mistake.
Through the din of our construction we suddenly heard Sir Simonn's blood-curdling scream, "Scarzzle nupe Kwat!!!!".
Lord Zane, Lord Adolf, and I immediately dropped our tools and transformed into bolts of lightning speeding to render aid to Sir Simonn who was falling into a deep sleep due to lack of movement! Thank the stars that the sound of our approaching footsteps woke him. He looked up at us with tear-filled eyes and uttered, "Day-Taunt?"  Three lightning bolts looked at each other and before we could respond Sir Simonn whispered, "Night-Taunt?" He then began a slow ascent from the squaw position that he assumes whenever he trims weeds. He unknowingly exposed his buttocks to the three of us by bending over to retrieve his weed trimming tool; we all gasped and had to take a step back! The impression of the ridge was no longer in his buttocks!  Instead of the defined 12-12 pitch of the potting shed's ridge, his cheeks were now sporting deep impressions of staub clusters.
There was nothing we could do for him so we went back to work.

More to come!

HE Santiago