[Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric

Mary Newsome marynewsome1 at gmail.com
Thu Nov 29 13:12:06 PST 2012 

Alas oh wondrous leader we cannot fine an appropriate Sheep bladder. It seems that they have all been previously used. Ah those pesky sheep, you give em a bladder and what do they do?! Use it!  So my lord and I shall now attempt to find an organ that hopefully has not been used. Worry not though,  William is currently composing a nice sea chanty for your prestigious self. 

Sent from my iPhone

On Nov 29, 2012, at 8:08 AM, "Lathrop, Dave" <David.Lathrop at valero.com> wrote:

> A sheep's bladder is fine and dandy when it's stuffed with barley and liver meat, and then consumed with kith and kin,
> but it has been found to be very difficult to tune! 
> Unfortunately, our western ears having adapted to the rather restricted "tempered scale" of modern music, would find
> the sound of a loose bladder quite disturbing.
> If you and Lord Willy truly are intent on using a sheep's bladder then let us explore the possibility of smoking
> the bladder for an extended period of time in the baronial smoke hut. I feel that the infusion of shitake shroom
> smoke and dried Malox tid-bits will tighten the bladder enough to help it retain its puffing capabilities.
> 
> As a precaution, prior to the smoking of the bladder, we should stuff it with barley and liver meat.
> This would insure that should the smoking not lift the lowly bladder to a new level of perfection, transforming
> it into a medieval instrument worthy of inclusion in the Superfluous Rhetoric ensemble, we could eat it!
> 
> 
> HE Santiago 
> 
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: bordermarch-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org [mailto:bordermarch-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org] On Behalf Of Mary Newsome
> Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 3:05 PM
> To: 'David Lathrop'; 'Barony Bordermarch'
> Subject: Re: [Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric
> 
> If it is any comfort, we are searching near and far, high and low for just
> the right sheep's bladder so that my Lord can join his Excellency in a
> mutual pursuit of auditory enlightenment.
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: bordermarch-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org
> [mailto:bordermarch-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org] On Behalf Of David Lathrop
> Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 2:45 PM
> To: Barony Bordermarch
> Subject: Re: [Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric
> 
> Can you tell it's the holidays and His Excellency doesn't have near enough
> things to do at work to keep him busy!
>  
> Elisabeth
> 
> 
> ________________________________
> From: "Lathrop, Dave" <David.Lathrop at valero.com>
> To: Barony Bordermarch <bordermarch at lists.ansteorra.org>
> Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 9:09 AM
> Subject: [Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric
> 
> Greetings Bordermarch,
> 
> Last night as I was blowing through a discarded piece of sewer pipe, a sound
> erupted from the end of the pipe.
> The sound was not unlike the whining of the Scottish pipes mournfully
> belting out a scorned lover's lament; I liked the sound!
> To let the sewer pipe breath with more clarity I cleaned it out really good
> and winded it; the pipe still sounded very mournful.
> 
> If I can get the sewer pipe tuned up so's it has a melodious voice I'll ask
> for a volunteer to play it in Bordermarch's budding medieval ensemble called
> Superfluous Rhetoric.
> 
> Bordermarch's medieval band, Superfluous Rhetoric, consist of several
> populace members who are accomplished players of ancient instruments, and
> not so accomplished singers of old tunes.
> Lord Biau is one such member of the group. He has proven himself time and
> again to be the preeminent master of the Schnozzle Harp!
> 
> For those unfamiliar with the baffling instrument called the Schnozzle Harp
> I shall explain it in non-musician's terms:
> 
> 1.       To play the Schnozzle Harp one must first acquire a dried-yet
> flexible spleen. It must be a certified instrument grade spleen.
> 
> 2.       The spleen shall be twisted upon itself so as to be taunt like the
> parched skin of a sun-dried chili pepper.
> 
> 3.       One shall tie one end of the twisted spleen to the right ear lobe,
> and with a firm grip, stretch the other end across both nostrils.
> 
> (That little piece of flesh that separates the nostrils must be touching the
> spleen, it becomes the spleen's bridge, which is
>                not to be confused with the bridge of the nose!)
> 
> 4.       The musician shall gently blow through one nostril at a time,
> thereby causing the stretched spleen to vibrate and produce a
>               sound.
> 
> 5.       While the spleen is vibrating, the musician can tightened and relax
> it with a pulling action. This pulling action will cause
>              the spleen to vibrate at different frequencies.
> 
> 6.       With much practice the winding of these different frequencies can
> begin to sound like medieval music.
> 
> 7.       The Schnozzle Harp is usually tuned to A-440.
> 
> 8.       Since The Schnozzle Harp is a polyphonic instrument it is
> considered one of the "Mother Instruments" along with the piano and guitar.
> 
> For Schnozzle Harp maintenance, the twisted spleen should be wiped dry after
> extended use, and it should be stored in an air-tight container that has
> been lined with the finest winter hair from a shepherd dog's belly. Also,
> never play the Schnozzle Harp when you're packed up with a sinus infection.
> 
> If one is interested in making medieval music, feel free to join us anytime.
> The credo-et-motto of Superfluous Rhetoric is, we feel in our heart's that
> practicing to play medieval music is highly overrated, so we don't.
> 
> HE Santiago
> 
> 
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