ES - Thanksgiving humor from scaCooks list....

[The Hermit]

Thanks Pyro......................; )

Betsy Marshall wrote:

> Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2000 10:41:52 -0500
> From: "Philippa Alderton" <phlip at morganco.net>
> Subject: SC - Thanksgiving dinner- OOP
>
> A smile, before I take off for the holiday ;-)
>
> >Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this
> >Thanksgiving. I'm  telling you in advance, so don't
> >act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be  coming,
> >I've made a few small changes:
> >
> >Our sidewalk will not be lined  with homemade, paper
> >bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that
> >no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch
> >sacks do not have the  desired welcoming effect.
> >
> >Once inside, our guests will note that the  entry
> >hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn
> >and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've
> >gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having
> >them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front
> >yard. The mud was their idea.
> >
> >The dining table will not be covered with  expensive
> >linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible,
> >we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a
> >fork. Since this IS thanksgiving, we will refrain from
> >using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa
> >napkins from last Christmas.
> >
> >Our centerpiece will not be the tower of  fresh fruit
> >and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be
> >displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted
> >from the finest construction paper. The artist assures
> >me it is a turkey.
> >
> >We will be dining fashionably late.  The children will
> >entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be
> >happy to share every choice comment I have made
> >regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey
> >hotline. Please remember that most of these comments
> >were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the
> >turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
> >
> >As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will
> >play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children
> >should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal
> >drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously
> >like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
> >They are lying.
> >
> >We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver
> >bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end,
> >we chose to keep our traditional  method. We've
> >also decided against a formal seating arrangement.
> >When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the
> >table and sit where you like.
> >
> >In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children
> >to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next
> >door.
> >
> >Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person
> >carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative
> >onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner.
> >For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a
> >private ceremony. I stress  "private" meaning: Do not,
> >under any circumstances, enter the  kitchen to laugh
> >at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to
> >check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The
> >turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will
> >eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
> >
> >I would like to take this opportunity to remind my
> >young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a
> >football play. Nor is it a request to bean your
> >brother in the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and
> >one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the
> >meal, and especially while in the presence of young
> >diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its
> >lesser-known name:  Cheese Sauce. If a young diner
> >questions you regarding the  origins or type
> >of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance.
> >
> >Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead
> >of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious
> >desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin
> >pie,  garnished with whipped cream and small
> >fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it
> >or leave it.
>
> Phlip
>
> Nolo disputare, volo somniare et contendere, et iterum somniare.
>
> phlip at morganco.net
>
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