ES - Thanksgiving humor from scaCooks list....

[Betsy Marshall]

Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2000 10:41:52 -0500
From: "Philippa Alderton" <phlip at morganco.net>
Subject: SC - Thanksgiving dinner- OOP

A smile, before I take off for the holiday ;-)


>Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this
>Thanksgiving. I'm  telling you in advance, so don't
>act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be  coming,
>I've made a few small changes:
>
>Our sidewalk will not be lined  with homemade, paper
>bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that
>no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch
>sacks do not have the  desired welcoming effect.
>
>Once inside, our guests will note that the  entry
>hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn
>and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've
>gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having
>them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front
>yard. The mud was their idea.
>
>The dining table will not be covered with  expensive
>linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible,
>we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a
>fork. Since this IS thanksgiving, we will refrain from
>using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa
>napkins from last Christmas.
>
>Our centerpiece will not be the tower of  fresh fruit
>and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be
>displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted
>from the finest construction paper. The artist assures
>me it is a turkey.
>
>We will be dining fashionably late.  The children will
>entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be
>happy to share every choice comment I have made
>regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey
>hotline. Please remember that most of these comments
>were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the
>turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
>
>As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will
>play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children
>should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal
>drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously
>like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
>They are lying.
>
>We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver
>bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end,
>we chose to keep our traditional  method. We've
>also decided against a formal seating arrangement.
>When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the
>table and sit where you like.
>
>In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children
>to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next
>door.
>
>Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person
>carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative
>onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner.
>For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a
>private ceremony. I stress  "private" meaning: Do not,
>under any circumstances, enter the  kitchen to laugh
>at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to
>check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The
>turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will
>eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
>
>I would like to take this opportunity to remind my
>young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a
>football play. Nor is it a request to bean your
>brother in the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and
>one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the
>meal, and especially while in the presence of young
>diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its
>lesser-known name:  Cheese Sauce. If a young diner
>questions you regarding the  origins or type
>of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance.
>
>Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead
>of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious
>desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin
>pie,  garnished with whipped cream and small
>fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it
>or leave it.



Phlip

Nolo disputare, volo somniare et contendere, et iterum somniare.

phlip at morganco.net

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