[Elfsea] Laughter

Thu Sep 13 08:03:53 PDT 2001

Galen here!

They tell us that laughter is the best medicine.  The following is today's
column from Argus Hamilton, at www.argushamilton.com:

HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?

The World Trade Center towers collapsed into rubble Tuesday after they were
struck by suicide bombers in hijacked commercial jets. The Pentagon was also
hit and the U.S. government was evacuated. It's the first peaceful day Gary
Condit's had in four months.

President Bush addressed the nation Tuesday on the hijacker attacks. He said
the U.S. will hold the terrorists and those who harbor them responsible.
Afterward the Weather Channel reported that the five-day forecast for
Afghanistan is two days.

Joint Chiefs Chairman Hugh Shelton said Tuesday the Armed Forces are ready to
retaliate. The thirst for revenge is real. The first instinct is to bomb
Afghanistan back into the Stone Age, but what does that set them back, 15
minutes?

The FAA suspended commercial air travel after the World Trade Center attack.
Air travel was scheduled to resume Wednesday at noon. However, the Air Force
has orders to shoot down any commercial aircraft with a towel wrapped around
its nose.

Osama Bin Laden was the first suspect in the cowardly terrorist attack upon the
World Trade Center but Afghanistan denied he was involved. Americans aren't
buying it. This is one case where we know for sure that Timothy McVeigh has an
alibi.

The White House was evacuated Tuesday morning after the Secret Service got a
telephone threat. Security experts told CNN that the White House has always
attracted mentally unstable people. Psychologists call them Reform Party
candidates.

New York City was under a state of siege Tuesday in the hours following the
terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in Manhattan. Trading was halted on
all U.S. stock exchanges. There's no telling how many millions may have been
saved.

Middle Eastern nations will rake in a fortune as oil prices surge following the
attack on the United States. The good news is, most Americans are seriously
looking at the use of alternative energy. The bad news is, it's the hydrogen
bomb.

The World Trade Center attack caused oil to shoot up to $34 a barrel. Saddam
Hussein makes $1 billion a day for each dollar over $20. This is the point in
Columbo where Peter Falk walks back into the palace to ask him just one more
thing.

Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein hailed the attack on the Pentagon and World Trade
Center Tuesday as the Operation of the Century. He has forgotten that the Bush
family's favorite game is Iraqi Bingo. The only number they ever call is B-52.

President Bush was cool and resolute in the hours after the terrorist attack
Tuesday. The entire nation rallied behind the president. Whenever commentators
called for an increase in human intelligence, they were shouted down as
unpatriotic.

Congressmen were physically grabbed by armed guards Tuesday and dragged out of
their Capitol Hill offices to a secret location. It was unprecedented. Now that
they know what it feels like, they're going to be a lot nicer to their interns.

The United States completely closed its border with Mexico on Tuesday after
terrorists successfully attacked the World Trade Center. It's unbelievable. Pat
Buchanan just hired Johnnie Cochran in case the FBI ever puts two and two
together.