[Elfsea] FW: [Steppes] FW: Holiday Eating Tips

Spence Mabry smabry at flash.net
Fri Dec 19 05:58:10 PST 2003

Just had to share this with y'all.


-----Original Message-----
From: steppes-bounces at ansteorra.org
[mailto:steppes-bounces at ansteorra.org] On Behalf Of Brent Ryder
Sent: Thursday, December 18, 2003 7:54 AM
To: Clann_Ross at yahoogroups.com; fray-ansteorra at yahoogroups.com
Cc: steppes at ansteorra.org
Subject: [Steppes] FW: Holiday Eating Tips

Holiday Eating Tips
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and

forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come
with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the 
holidays without gaining 10 pounds.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a 
holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact if
see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum 

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt 
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You

can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it 
has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
two. It's later then you think.! It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or 
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other 
peoples' food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Years,
can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while 
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. (or perhaps 
"passing out" from the SCOTCH/Jack! Daniels, etc.)

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa. Position yourself near

them, and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of 
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them 
behind. You're not going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have 
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day ?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean have some

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread
Start over. But hurry! Cookieless/eggnogless January is just around the 

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