[Elfsea] Why people are not staying

Fri Jun 6 13:14:50 PDT 2008

Greetings,

I have been out of town at my son's high school graduation in Oregon and have just gotten caught up on my email reading. I was quite surprised and disappointed to read this thread. As one of the Autocrats for Warlord XXXV, I feel compelled to respond.

There have been several issues presented in this thread and related ones. 1. Nothing planned in the evening; 2. Dead time. 3. Private parties and/or vigils;  4. Cliques; 5. Us vs. them; 6. Leaving early; and 7. Thanks. I will respond to each as briefly as I can.

 1. Nothing planned in the evening. - Steppes Bardic almost always happens on Saturday evening. There was no one who volunteered to run anything in the evening other than those involved in the Celevigil and the Hafla. As it was, the Hafla really didn't happen. If you want activities in the evening, please have them. I posted several posts to the Ansteorran and Steppes list inviting folks who wanted to include activities to notify me so that we could schedule them. The only folks I heard from got their activities scheduled.

2. Dead time - I actually laughed when I read this because we have complaints every year from folks who are upset because there are so many activities that are up against one another they have to choose one over another. This year we had two archery activities that had to be cancelled before the event and another that unfortunately was cancelled due to no one showing up to participate until well after the activity was scheduled to begin. There were no 'teas' nor A & S displays because no one came forth to run them. As an autocrat, it is my responsiblity to ensure that the championship events occur...Steppes Warlord, Steppes Champion, and Steppes Archer. All other activities occur if there are people to run them. This year we had no marshals come forward to run Steppes Thrown Weapons or Steppes Children's Boffer Activities. The autocrat team asked several individuals if they would be interested in doing these things and were told 'no' by all of them. Published notices on the Kingdom lists also went unanswered. 

3. Private parties/vigils - Technically the Celevigil WAS a 'private' party. Because there would be alcohol served at the party, the Barony cannot have any connection to it. We knew it was happening and had a security person pass through occasionally, but that was all we could do. It could not be in the gate handout. Sir Hrafn did have a vigil and received the advice and counsel of his Chivalric brothers. Count Gunthar had his Laureling celebration and much food and alcohol was enjoyed. They were both in close proximity, but I have not heard that the vigil was far from others as far as what it entailed. I will admit that I have not been to other Knight's vigils, but I have been to other Laurel and Pelican vigils and at none of them have I seen the drunkeness that was implied in describing vigils. Because Gunthar and Hrafn are friends, the decision was made to combine the events so that people did not have to choose one over the other to either help with or attend. I admire them for their choice. It would have been so easy to be selfish and say that 'my' vigil/party is more important than 'his' party/vigil.

I know for a fact that everyone in the camping area was invited to the Celevigil because Duke Miguel and others came around the campground and personally invited all they saw to join them. They stopped at the autocrat camping area and then went on to other camps. I heard them ask several groups to join them. When I last saw them, they were going toward the Bardic Competition. I don't know how much more invite folks need without a handwritten invitation. There were enough notices on the e-lists that it was hard to not know what was going on.

4. Cliques - As long as there have been more than two people in this world, there have been cliques. There is very little that can be done about these. I have close friends in several 'groups.' Some of these groups do not get along with others or with individuals that I consider friends in those groups. I try to be on friendly terms with all of them. There are some folks I just don't get along with...that's perfectly normal and acceptable. If you are having difficulties with a group, maybe you should find out why instead of just assuming that the whole group is an issue. 

When I moved to Steppes 6 years ago, I was received warmly by everyone I met. Eventually, I made good friends of some folks and others were relegated to acquaintance status. Our friends are those we have similar interests, experiences, and close relationships with. It is impossible to be a close friend to everyone. That doesn't mean that my close friends are a clique or that we are not open to widening our circle of close friends, but it may mean that a newcomer has to make an effort to become more than an acquaintance. I will make every effort to be friendly to newcomers, but it takes serious work and time to become friends. It took me a couple of years to really consider many people in the Steppes or in the rest of Ansteorra to be my friends. There are some folks that I tried to be friendly with that I discovered I really didn't want as close friends and others that I didn't hit it off with at first that are now very good friends. To come into a group and expect to become integrated fully within less than a year is unrealistic. It takes work, time, and dedication. When I came here, I was brand new to the SCA and didn't know a soul in the DFW area save for my sister. I now consider Steppes and Ansteorra my SCA home, though my heart is still in the pacific northwest.

5. Us v. them -As Lady Irina stated so beautifully, this is largely a matter of perception. One can only be offended if one chooses to take offense. One can take a chip from one's shoulder, or one can parade it proudly. If one chooses to wear his/her chip, one should not be surprised to find oneself on the outside of things, or being avoided. People are very uncomfortable with people carrying chips

I have never been made to feel inferior or inadequate by anyone in Ansteorra who wears a brass hat. On the contrary, one of my biggest joys and surprises was when Baron Fritz gave me a huge hug at the first Steppes activity I attended, and when I dared to speak to King Patrick Michael and Queen Julia, they were most gracious. At the few activities I had been able to attend in An Tir, I had been entirely unnoticed by anyone of save for Sir Brand, who taught the classes I attended at the University of Ithra there.

I would bet that most of the divide that has been mentioned around here is largely assumptive. Unfortunately there is a problem with making assumptions...you know, that old colloquialism about making an ass out of you and me.

6. I would like to address the issue about people leaving early. This is something we, as autocrats wrestled with a great deal. We had asked to move the Warlord competition to Sunday and were told no. Sunday evening is the best time to have parties, as all of the primary activities are finished. I know many folks who will not drink alcohol and retire early until their primary activity is completed. I know that when I am running archery activities, I do not drink on Saturday or Sunday until after the archery range is shut down. Unfortunately, for the last several years, more and more people are deciding to leave Sunday....all day.

This year, it was the heat that was the primary motivator for the exodus (last year it was the rain). Virtually everyone I asked why they were leaving early said that they couldn't handle any more heat. I couldn't argue with them. This year we made certain that we hired the hall all day Sunday as well as the extended day on Saturday. As much as we would love to extend Sunday, too, the cost is too prohibitive. 

Now, it's lovely that once upon a time there were all kinds of things happening even though it was 108 degrees (I believe that's what Her Grace said), but our population has gotten older since those days. I would be willing to bet that the average age of participants has increased by about 10-15 years since then. We can't handle the heat as well at our ages and the influx of newcomers from out of the area aren't acclimated to it and may never get there. We had a heat index of 106 at Warlord this year. The fact that there was very little in the line of heat-related illness is a credit to the chiurgeonate and the water bearers....and to the populace. 

We have gotten smarter about taking care of ourselves since the early days of Ansteorra. Our armor is better, our weapons safer, we spend a lot more attention to staying hydrated, keeping our electrolytes in balance and keeping as cool as possible. We also have learned that alcohol and spending the day in the heat isn't a great idea. Many of us retire to our camps to restore ourselves so that we may participate fully the next day. That's part of why you don't see all the parties that you used to. We eat and drink sensibly and retire so that we don't end up sick and unable to enjoy the next day. 

7. Thanks - I try to say thanks to all who help me with any activity I undertake. I miss people frequently. Usually, I think that I have said so already, but also there are so many, I simply forget. They have my undying gratitude, I simply forgot to include their name....or didn't know it.

I know that I have forgotten to thank many for their help at Warlord. There were so many....I got as many as I could when I made my thank you post, but there were names that were omitted, I am sure, for the reasons above.

I volunteer a lot, too much, my husband says. I am currently forbidden to volunteer for anything for a while. Sometimes I get thanked, sometimes I do not. I know that my work is appreciated nonetheless, but that the person/group I am helping sometimes gets overwhelmed by the reasons above. I never, ever expect to be thanked. I volunteer so that an event, which I am going to participate in, takes place and runs more smoothly. I am benefitting from the experience both of my doing, and from the event itself. I gain no matter what. I should be thanking the person/group because I am getting the greater benefit. I sometimes forget that thank you, too, unfortunately.

For those of you, my cousins, who came to Warlord this year, and for those that helped out in any way....Thank you! It was an amazing experience. This was my first foray into autocratting and I learned so much, both about myself, and about the process of stewarding an event. I thank you for the opportunity.

In service,

Lady Lyneya de Grey

co-Autocrat, Warlord XXXV
Well-behaved women Seldom make history - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2008 11:40:48 -0500From: cidsound at gmail.comTo: elfsea at lists.ansteorra.orgSubject: Re: [Elfsea] Why people are not staying
Good morning lords and ladies - 

It has been some time since I have been active - Warlord was really my first event in several years and has served as a spring board to get myself going again.  The reason for going was to bring a young couple that specifically asked me to take them to an SCA event. 

I'm writing this because I have to dispute that the vigil specific to Warlord was a private party; maybe that was the original intent.  I did know several people in the party and actually encountered Duke Miguel (I believe that is his current title, if not please correct me!) who made a point of inviting myself and the others that were with me.  I actually drug the husband of the couple almost kicking and screaming to the party because he thought that the people "with the pointy hats" would be rude, stuck up and boring.  Literally within five minutes of having arrived and introducing him to several people whom I felt would be patient with him - who also "wore shiny pointy hats" this young couple was out of my hands and having a very grand time being introduced to people and learning about who they were, what they did, and how they supported the kingdom.  I believe they finally retired around 3am with a thoroughly changed view of "shiny pointy hats".  The absolute warmth and patience with which they were accepted into a ceremony they didn't understand is a credit to our peers.  I don't think the issue lies so much with those who have attained a rank, it is the perception of others as to what they must be like because they're a ........ (insert appropriate rank and title).  I think perhaps a little more attention on both sides would do much service.

A good deal of this I feel is perception.  When I joined the SCA I was 18 and was very active and after very little exposure I realized that those people with the brass hats were not people to be afraid of or given much room - they're there to help and with very little introduction I've found them to be great people who readily toss in some advice or even help.  A handful of the people who were very influential for my first period in the SCA were people who were of one rank or another and I found that I learned much from them and still continue to learn from them - because I ask.  Maybe I have fewer reservations about approaching people and asking questions than others, but I find that people don't get what they want because they don't ask.

These are my thoughts.  Take them or leave them for what they're worth.

In Service,
Lady Irina Radokovaia
(Cid)
-- "My heart is red & sweet, and I know it is sweet because what ever passes near me puts out its tongue to me." --Sitting Bull 
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