[Elfsea] Ironic Frustration - LONG

Sun Jun 8 19:59:30 PDT 2008

I was thinking about all this discussion late last night (about 2 AM, so my
thinking might be a bit off). I thought about what had worked in the past.
What had drawn the disparate groups in Elfsea together. What had built
enthusiasm. What had made us all agree that “Life is good in Elfsea”. 

I think it is one or two people who have an idea. They put their enthusiasm
behind the idea. They present it to everyone else. They take steps to make
it come to life. But they also understand that for the idea to take hold,
the rest of Elfsea must want to join in. And to get that to happen means
listening to the ideas of everyone else and letting the “idea” morph into
what the group wants and will support.

The idea that came to mind was Baron Armand’s reawakening of Baron Llwelyn’s
Arthurian Guard. He organized it. He chose a captain who had his vision and
enthusiasm. He made space available in his warehouse for practices. He
talked to the sewing guild and others about making tabards. He pushed
everyone to practice often. People began to see ways to become a part of the
movement. We had food at fighter practices. It was fun. 

IMHO, this is the kind of thing that is missing in Elfsea. We have the
people who can do it. We have leaders, seconds in command, fighters,
craftsmen and women, and many with enthusiasm and dreams. Things were not
that different “in the old days”. We need one or two common goals which can
become the seed around which our people can for the pearl. It does not
happen from committee action. It happens when that one or two start it
moving.

In service,

Caelin on Andrede

From: elfsea-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org
[mailto:elfsea-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org] On Behalf Of Dáire and Druinne
-- the Hays Family
Sent: Sunday, June 08, 2008 10:04 AM
To: rikr_foetipper at yahoo.com; Barony of Elfsea
Subject: Re: [Elfsea] Ironic Frustration - LONG

The Bloody Baron "from" Elfsea makes good points.  We all have much to learn
from his time leading this barony.

We have spent alot of time talking about what we like and do not like about
events.  We will never have one event that presents all of us a definitive
"good time".  The best we can do is hope that we provide an opportunity for
as many as we can to enjoy an activitity that they like.  But in the end, we
are all responsible for our own good time.

But he makes a really good point in his post script.

We need discussion on the event calendar for 2009.

Once again - 

Do we move Defender to second weekend in May and do a collegium in the fall?
Do we keep Defender as is and do a collegium in late February?

We need input.  The officers of this barony need your good ideas.

If the officers and those present reach consensus at business meeting, we
will be announcing, not discussing the changes at Moot.

Please participate in this decision.

in faith and fealty to our Crown
Dáire and Druinne

On Sun, Jun 8, 2008 at 9:38 AM, Rick Johnston <rikr_foetipper at yahoo.com>
wrote:

Well said your excellency!

Rikr

--- On Sun, 6/8/08, Dragonetti <dragonetti at generich.com> wrote:

From: Dragonetti <dragonetti at generich.com>
Subject: [Elfsea] Ironic Frustration - LONG
To: "'Barony of Elfsea'" <elfsea at lists.ansteorra.org>
Date: Sunday, June 8, 2008, 5:23 AM

Greetings and felicitations,

My apologies for the long-winded ramblings...

A friend of mine shared an observation today that I felt was quite
insightful. Frustrated with the SCA recently, my friend has observed a few
others expressing frustrations online. It was noted that many of the folks
likely to resent, or feel targeted by some comments may do so because those
folks are, in fact, quite dedicated and responsible,  wishing  to be good
stewards in their positions. Others who have a proclivity to be negative,
unfriendly, paranoid, indifferent, or whatever, are often oblivious to their
own indifference, rudeness, disruptiveness or negativity and no amount of
attention or pleading will enlighten them.

In other words, some who bring us down, are unaware or don't care, while
others doing their best to bring us up, feel attacked or unappreciated. Not
at all the desired effect. Regardless of which person or group you think I'm
inferring, the "other" person or group can just as easily feel they have the
moral high ground here.  

Its a sad dichotomy. Those in need of "heeding" a suggestion are often least
likely to think the message is for them. 

For instance, the topic of poor manners is sadly a recurring theme. Those
that pay attention, and take the concerns to heart, by definition are
already concerned (or inclined to be) about manners and likely practice good
manners already. Those that do not pay attention to such pleas, or are
turned off by them, are likely blissfully unaware that they are the target
audience. So much preaching to the choir. Those who understand, get it.
Those who don't, are not likely to as a result of reading about it online. 

Now in my opinion, any effort to effect change through sarcasm or guilt, no
matter how well-intentioned, is fundamentally flawed. In this instance, the
goal of sarcasm or guilt is to "wake 'em up" so they'll see the error of
their ways. I believe those for whom sarcasm or guilt would be effective can
be counseled in a more positive manner. If not, sarcasm and guilt will
hardly do the trick. For most, it will harden their hearts and their resolve
to resist the suggestion. The exact opposite of the goal! They are  negative
forces  that serve to stoke strong emotions and deepen divisions. If a
suggestion is particularly good, the victim of the sarcasm may eventually
concede, but will we all feel warm and fuzzy as a result? I don't know about
you, but I have never been endeared towards any group or individual who
throws guilt or sarcasm my way. And I am certainly reluctant to reward it by
taking the suggestion.....otherwise, I simply invite more sarcasm or guilt
the next time they wish to educate me. 

While it may work for some, in my mind, it's a poor strategy. To say, "well,
that's what it takes to get any attention" is to admit the weakness of one's
contention. A truly good suggestion does not need sarcasm or guilt to
illicit action. It may be a documentable, period movement, but that does not
mean it is virtuetous. Now some good options do go unheeded as well. It's
unavoidable, for instance, say a group receives 3 solid bids for xxx, only
one can be granted. People say they understand that, but most feel hurt
nonetheless, and whispers and accusations of cliques and favoritism all too
often occur. There's a fine line between well meaning sarcasm and sour
grapes.

Many seem to labor under a false assumption, that "those in charge" are all
powerful and can "make it so" with a "wave of the scepter" or can somehow
conspire to stop us from having fun. HA! The power of our leaders derives
directly from the populace and the power (ie., co-operation) we give them.

Now I truly believe most folks generally have good intentions. In fact,
rarely have I seen true sinister intent. However, too often it is ascribed
to those who voice concerns to the leadership, as well as to the leaders who
are usually just trying their best to make good decisions, which are often
very difficult and sometimes unpopular. Our methods may differ, and our
visions of the dream may be varied, but I believe we all desire an escape
from the foibles of our modern world and long for a place where honor and
chivalry reign supreme. It is frustrating for us all when our efforts to
create that place seem undermined or thwarted.

Miscommunication and incomplete facts are usually the culprit, not an evil
nature or mean spirit. The thing that saddens me most are the friendships
lost to stubbornness, missteps and miscommunications. And I have lost my
share.

When frustrated with a situation, I try to remember the only thing I can
truly change is myself and the way I choose to perceive the situation. I can
choose to "Thank" an officer for giving of their time and resources to the
group, or I can choose to gripe that I should have gotten the position and
could do a better job.  I can advise a leader of concerns, I can keep quiet
and hope it blows over or I can choose to subvert them if they turn a blind
eye. (Though I will never intentionally do that.) 

So the next time you observe poor manners, you can be saddened, offended,
upset, gripe, chastise or you can choose to be generous, assume mitigating
circumstances, perhaps there are facts unknown to you, or better yet simply
provide an example of good manners yourself, without comment or
condescension. There are optimists and there are pessimists, and though I'm
more pessimistic than I would like to admit, I truly *want* to be an
optimist. I *can* choose to be one. My hope is to try and lead by example
with positive contributions and to use frustrating situations or
circumstances to remind me to do so. I believe no amount of "instruction"
given by me to another is going to change their nature, but by living the
best example that I can, while knowing I am not perfect, do I seek to be a
positive influence in the world.

So let me say "Thank you" to EVERYONE who strives to make the SCA fun and a
place where honor and chivalry reign supreme!

HE Armand Dragonetti
The Bloody Baron of Ansteorra

P.S.: Now what are gonna do about our calendar?

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