[ANSTHRLD] Top 10 Lists (Heraldic humor)

[Fitzmorgan at aol.com]

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At last years Heraldic Symposium we held an "Open-Mike" session.  I did a few
Top 10 lists.  I've had several requests to post them.
I didn't write all of these but don't know who did.

*********    WARNING  **********

             Some of these are in poor taste.
             If you are easily offended read no further.
             If you choose to read on and find yourself
             offended don't blame me.  You were warned.

*********    WARNING  **********

Top 10 signs that your device is not going to pass:

10.  You can't say the blazon aloud in one breath.
9.    Gyrony of 12 Ermine and Ermines, overall a lion rampant counterchanged.
8.    Your Crayola 64 set doesn't have enough colors to draw your device.
7.    12 Heralds barfing.
6.    The CoA assesses a surcharge for aspirin
5.    Three Words.  Bat-Winged urinals!
4.    You have to draw the rainbows smaller to fit them in between the
unicorns and the kittens.
3.    You have M.C. Esher working on the emblazon.
2.    Gary Larson files a lawsuit alleging copyright infringement
1.    The CoA refuses to discuss your submission until the Astrix decision
meeting is held in a County that isn't dry.


Top 10 Heraldic Pickup Lines

10.  Hey Babe! Check out the clear visual difference.
9.    Oyez!  Oyez! Will Lady love please take the field!
8.    Heralds do it with a difference.
7.    This now opens the Court of Love.  Let all who have
       business in this Court please draw nigh.
6.    Let all know that the King and Queen of hearts, in recognition
       of exceptional skill, knowledge and grace in the Arts of Love have
       named me, Baron of Boffing, Earl of ecstasy, Duke of Desire and
       Prince of Passion, with all the privileges and responsibilities
       thereto appertaining.
5.    Oyez! Oyez! Courting will begin in Five minuets.
4.    Would you like to see my cock displayed?
3.    Your sweet smile is forever emblazoned on the eschetun of my heart.
2.    You could make a bend turn sinister.
1.    Lady Star says my cock is enhanced.