[Herbalist] Re: OT - Miss Manners

[Katherine Blackthorne]

And then there was the time when I tried to be kind about a newbie's first
bodice.  (Not her first garb -- just an attempt at a bodice.)  It had
princess seams, no boning, high v-neck, and fit extremely loose.  The straps
were arranged to hide her bra-straps.

I knew just how new she was, so I was kind -- complemented the seamwork &
trim, etc.  (They were well done!)

Of course, she could never understand how I found a bodice comfortable... or
why we joked in my household about them being "the ultimate sports bra".

Eventually, I found out that she WAS interested in making it more period...
and helped her design & fit one that actually "worked"!  :)  Of course, I
then had to teach her how to lace it "so I don't look like a trollop
spilling out the top".  Apparently, that's one of the reasons she had
originally designed hers the way she had!

>From: Corwyn and Carowyn <silveroak at juno.com>
>Reply-To: herbalist at ansteorra.org
>To: herbalist at ansteorra.org
>Subject: [Herbalist] Re: OT - Miss Manners
>Date: Thu, 27 Sep 2001 15:08:12 -0400
>
>
>Greetings to the list!
>
> >I am sorry to say that i was once (unknowingly) on the other side.
><snip>.
> >after a short conversation, she asked me to critique her garb, <more
>snips>.  I
> >thought i was polite and fairly mild, but I found out later that - - it
>was
> >her first event, and she was terribly proud of the garb she had sewn,
> >and had left the event in tears because of the "harsh criticism" she had
> >received on her outfit.
>
>Hmmm...I get some of this at the Ren Faire, which is 20 minutes from my
>house.  When some people find out I'm from the SCA, they immediately want
>me to critique their garb.  Now, those of you who know me know I can't
>tell which end of the needle is up, so asking me to look at garb is like
>asking a fish to comment on the pretty trees in the forest - they're
>there, kinda blurry, and they all look alike.
>
>Well, I couldn't be in the SCA for more than 6 years without *some*
>things rubbing off, so...well, let's just say my experience was like
>yours, only she burst into tears in front of me.  In confusion, I asked
>her what's wrong, and she blurted, "You were supposed to tell me it was
>*fine*!"  Now, this type of "fishing for compliments" just irks me no
>end, so I said with an edge to my voice, "Well, no one gave me a cue
>card, and *you* asked *me*.  If you didn't want a true answer, why the
>heck did you even bother me?"
>
>It got calmer after that, and a bunch of us talked about it - why she
>shouldn't have begged a question, what was she really looking for in
>comments anyway, and as faire garb it was fine but here's what to do for
>SCA garb that would be better.  She went away much happier, but since
>then I've had to say to others, "Look, only ask questions if you're
>looking for a truthful answer.  If you're just asking to get your ego
>stroked, you're asking the wrong person."  (I know that's harsh, but this
>*is* a Ren Faire.  You wouldn't believe some of the idiots we get.)  A
>properly modified response might work better in the SCA.
>
>Well, here's my opinion: Don't ask the question if you don't want the
>answer.  There are ways of asking that can get you decent comments, but
>I've seen too many people accused of being A.P. when they were asked a
>simple question.  I've even seen judges snarled at because they simply
>did their job and graded the work!  "Not a period blackwork style -
>should be the same pattern on both sides; can see the ends and knots"  is
>not enough to get worked up over IMO.  But I know there are a lot of
>people with sensitive natures - that's not bad in and of itself, but then
>don't ask questions without prefacing it with "I'm a newbie, so please be
>kind".
>
>My two pence.  Hey, you *were* asked, it's not that you approached her
>and started commenting without being asked....
>
>-Caro the vociferous
>
>________________________________________________________________
>GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO!
>Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less!
>Join Juno today!  For your FREE software, visit:
>http://dl.www.juno.com/get/web/.
>_______________________________________________
>Herbalist mailing list
>Herbalist at ansteorra.org
>http://www.ansteorra.org/mailman/listinfo/herbalist


_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp