[Loch-ruadh] Beer Warning Labels

[Jane Sitton]

Greetings!

Padraig liked this so much when I showed it to him last night at Moot that I
thought I'd share it with the populace.  (Edited for a "G" rating.)  Enjoy!
Madelina

Subject: Beer Warning Labels

Due to increasing products liability litigation,
American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's
suggestion that the following warning labels be
placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the h*ll happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like an a**hole.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell the same boring story over and over again until
your friends leave.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you
to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you can logically converse with members of the
opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
roll over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading
cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and
more handsome than some really, really big guy named
FRANZ.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a
disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small
(and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
literally disappear.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE
pregnancy.