[Loch-Ruadh] Fwd: FW: Damn, It's Good to Be a Man! (CAUTION; DO NOT FORWARD TO WOME N N ON VD DAY!)
yukon505 at hotmail.com
Mon Feb 18 15:38:51 PST 2002
Got this from a buddy of mine at work :)
> TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE...
> FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH
> Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
> We need it up, you need it down.
> You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
> ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
> If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
> act like soap opera guys.
> If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
> Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
> find the perfect present yet again!
> If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
> don't want to hear.
> Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
> Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
> such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
> Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
> it be.
> Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that
> When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
> You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
> Crying is blackmail.
> Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't
> work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say
> No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on
> Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
> Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good
> at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
> Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
> Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
> do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
> war flick where it doesn't really matter what the $%#% they're saying
> Check your oil.
> It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
> No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
> Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
> become null and void after 7 days.
> If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
> makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
> You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something,
> not both.
> Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> If it itches, it will be scratched.
> Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
> If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's
> wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
> Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
> tonight, but, did you know I really don't mind, it's like camping.
> Damn, It's Good to Be a Man!
> Your last name stays put.
> The garage is all yours.
> Wedding plans take care of themselves.
> Chocolate is just another snack.
> You can be President.
> You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
> Car mechanics tell you the truth.
> You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
> The world is your urinal.
> You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just
> Same work... more pay.
> Wrinkles add character.
> Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
> People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
> The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
> New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
> Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything
> One mood, ALL the damn time.
> Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
> A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
> You can open all your own jars.
> Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
> You can leave the motel bed unmade.
> You can kill your own food.
> You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
> If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
> Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
> If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
> Everything on your face stays its original color.
> Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
> You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
> You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking:"He
> must be mad at me."
> You don't mooch off other's desserts.
> You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
> You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
> You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
> You almost never have strap problems in public.
> You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
> The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. (HURRAY!!)
> You don't have to shave below your neck.
> Your belly usually hides your big hips.
> One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
> You have freedom of choice concerning growing hair on your face.
> You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45
> Damn, it's Good to be a Man!!!
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