[Loch-Ruadh] Re: Six testimonials (PG-13 Humor-been around but still funny)

[ilishna]

  Have you ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you 

  could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did:

   

  1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and 

  asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I 

  turned around and walked out and never went back. My husband didn't say a 

  word he knew better.

   

  2. I was at the golf store  comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was 

  unhappy with the women's type  I had been using. After browsing several minutes, 

  I was approached by  one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. 

  He asked if he  could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I 

  think I like  playing with men's balls."

   

  3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety 

  of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the 

  counter asked if we needed any help.  I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your 

  nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned 

  beet-red and walked away. To  this day, my sister has never let me forget.

   

  4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some 

  pent-up energy and  ran amok!   I was finally able to grab hold of her after 

  receiving looks of  disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if 

  she did not  start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she 

  looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let 

  me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee 

  last night!"   The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.  Even 

  the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity 

  and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when 

  the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.

   

  5.  Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old 

  son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.  One 

  day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very 

  busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something 

  funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she  was clean. 

  Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him 

  if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has 

  had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."  Then I said, "Danny, 

  are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"  "No",   he replied. I just KNEW 

  that he must have had an accident, because the smell  was getting worse. 

  Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he 

  jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and  spread his cheeks and yelled. 

  "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their 

  tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his  pants and sat down. An old couple made 

  me feel better by thanking me for the  best laugh they'd ever had!

   

  6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for two days and a very

  embarrassed female news anchor who will,  in the future, likely think before she 

  speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any - a true story. We 

  had a female news anchor who, the  day after it was supposed to have snowed and 

  didn't, turned to the  weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you 

  promised me last  night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the 

  crew did too  they were laughing so hard!

   

  Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a good 

  laugh.

   

  DON'T TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY   . . NO ONE MAKES IT OUT ALIVE! 

   



  Just thought everyone needed to laugh alittle more.



  inn illi

   

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