[Loch-Ruadh] Fw: This Weeks Medieval Job Vacancies

[erinn holloway]

I love these Steve. keep them rolling them in. It's
fun to share witht he kiddos.
Emma

--- "Steve K. Rourke" <steverourke at charter.net> wrote:

> Again shamelessly forwarded from another list. For
> some I would take the
> disclaimer seriously.
> 
> 
> Disclaimer - for those with a weak heart or
> constitution, do not
> continue reading. I apologise for some of the
> phrasing.
> 
> For the rest of us....read on......
> 
> Position 1 - Fish Wife
> Are you a woman thinking of getting into the
> commercial fish
> business? Which of the following sales techniques
> would suit you?
> A 'Excuse me, madam, would you like to buy some
> fish? We've got a
> great offer on trout today.'
> B 'I said . would you like to buy some fish, you
> whoremongering
> stinking cutpurse, mother of an imbecile?'
> If you choose technique B, we have just the job for
> you. Welcome to
> the world of fishwifery. Now you can verbally abuse
> your neighbours
> while making a good living at the fish markets.
> However, although hours of pleasure can be obtained
> from expressing
> all those pent-up emotions, applicants should be
> advised that
> retribution can be severe. Neighbours are at liberty
> to teach you to
> hold your tongue by forcing you to wear the scold's
> bridle or brank -
>  a metal cage for the head with a built-in gag. Some
> models have
> spikes that pierce the tongue and some have bells to
> draw notice to
> the scold. You are paraded through the streets,
> which will echo with
> the sound of your neighbours' jeers and taunts.
> Naturally the moment the bridle is taken off, the
> more spirited of
> you will let rip a stream of abuse. This, however,
> can lead to a
> session on the ducking stool. You are strapped into
> a seat that is
> hung from the end of a free-moving arm. At the whim
> of the
> operators, you are then dunked into a river or pond
> once or twice or
> all day, in front of yet another jeering crowd.
> This will almost certainly convince you that a
> quiet, unassuming
> lifestyle is for you. However, if you still fancy
> shouting every now
> and then, you can always become a member of that
> jeering crowd.
> 
> Position 2 - Woad Dyer
> Welcome to the world of woad - an invasive weed
> that, with a few
> simple pieces of equipment, fermented urine and
> wheat bran, can
> transform your world. Why not try your hand at woad
> processing and
> dyeing and discover a blue tone last used as body
> paint by the Picts
> in Roman Britain?
> We are reliably informed that a poor sense of smell,
> or no sense of
> smell at all, would be a definite advantage in this
> job, unless you
> are one of those who find the aroma of cabbage mixed
> with excrement
> and cat wee particularly appealing. A desire to live
> outside the
> city walls, whence you and all your fellow workers
> will be banished,
> would also be a plus. This stuff stinks, but where
> there's muck,
> there's brass.
> 
> Position 3 - Groom of the Stool
> Attention all ambitious noblemen! Following the
> untimely death of
> Sir Henry Norris, a new groom of the stool is
> required by Henry
> VIII. The primary duty of the groom is to see 'the
> house of easement
> be sweet and clear' or, more plainly, to clean the
> royal rear and
> privy.
> It's always interesting to look at your own stool
> but imagine
> looking at the king's and laying it in a dish. As
> for wiping - with
> the hands: there is no toilet paper at the Tudor
> court - just try
> not to think of the meat-heavy diet of the big man.
> This is a challenging position for someone looking
> for exciting
> openings, for whom no job is to too big or small.
> It's a coveted
> position - no one else will be so often alone with
> His Royal
> Highness, so although you will be dealing with
> number twos, you will
> be number one in the privy chamber.
> 
> Note: Stangely enough, these are all genuine period
> positions. Sorry
> again !!!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
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Whether one is Hindu or a Muslim or a Christian, how you live your life is proof that you are or not fully His. We cannot condemn or judge or pass words that will hurt people. We don't know in what way God is appearing to that soul and what God is drawing that soul to; therefor, who are we to condemn anybody?
    Mother Teresa


		
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