[Northkeep] This week's events and recognizing them at events.

Marc Carlson marc-carlson at utulsa.edu
Fri Sep 14 11:46:08 PDT 2001

I think I would be pretty sure that after this week's events, and people's responses to it,
I would be more inclined to NOT attend an event where there was going to be even a strongly
encouraged show of 'how bad we feel about this'.

The reason for this is fairly simple.  Different people express their emotions differently.  Some
people are still locked in the shock and horror stage, while others have moved well past the
anger stage, and trying to make people deal with things in ways that they do not normally
do them (for example, say, a mandated moment of silence during feast, or even a strongly
encouraged one) just makes them more angry.

I've had my nose rubbed in this fact more than once this week.  I myself am a very private
person, and the way I deal with trauma frequently involves even more rational, objective and
analytical than normal (yes, it's possible).  Moreover, I'm not big on group expressions of
deeply personal emotions.  I'm not criticizing them, mind you -- they work for many people,
they just don't do it for me.  Since Tuesday, I've managed to offend more people
who are still hurting, confused and knee-jerking reacting just by being calm and rational and
analyzing things, and in no way intending to offend.  Right now, I'm trying desperately to keep
two of my best friends from never speaking to me again -- a third is already a lost cause -- all
because they didn't want to deal with Mr Calm and Analytical, and I'm still too stressed to be
as comforting and reassuring as they were hoping for.

Now, if there were a way of demonstrating that we are hurting and upset that was not predicated
upon the assumptions that we all hurt the same, and express that the same way, and was voluntary
(and I'm including simple (small p) peer pressure in that) -- I'd support that whole heartedly.


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